GodandMe2theMax

"The Whidbey Island Covenant"

 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or pride,
but let us each put the needs of others over our own needs and desires.”
Philippians 2:3 

 

Over the last quarter of 2016, God was stirring in my heart the need to focus on my marriage.  Let it be known that we were not / are not struggling.  In fact, after almost 26 years, I would dare say we are just as strong and close as ever!  But with so many marriages turning into failed statistics, I had this burning desire to find ways to protect my marriage, to guard it, and to find ways to love and honor my husband in a deeper way.  I wanted desperately to take measures to ensure our marriage endures the test of time. 

You see, in 2017, we will officially become empty-nesters.  Amber will be graduating from college and likely moving to North Carolina.  Jacob will graduate from high school, move out, and start college.  It will be just the two of us around here, day in and day out.  I’ve heard that one of the highest divorce rates take place when the kids are raised and move out of the house.  The parents no longer find that they have anything in common, because the ‘kids’ were the common bond.  With us moving into that phase of life, I wanted to be sure that statistic didn’t hit our home.

So as my thoughts intensified about our marriage, I began to scheme about Frank’s Christmas gift.  Frank is a minimalizer.  He doesn’t like me to spend money on him, and he doesn’t even like to exchange cards.  But I knew just what to do for his Christmas gift... 

We spent Christmas on Whidbey Island with family, off the coast of Puget Sound in the state of Washington.  On Christmas morning, for whatever reason, the kids didn’t come down to breakfast with us at the hotel.  It was just the two of us, and it was the perfect time to share with him about my “gift” for him.  So I poured out my heart about wanting to focus on our marriage in the coming year, and together we made what we called “The Whidbey Island Covenant”:  to proclaim 2017 “The Year of our Marriage.”  I won’t go into all the details of that covenant, but one of them was to plan at least one event each quarter to focus on strengthening our marriage.  And we have just completed the first of those weekends!

Frank did tons of research to find an affordable and applicable “marriage retreat” for us.  When he was pastoring in Ohio, we used to teach an incredible course on Marriage Intimacy; in fact, we even led marriage retreats.  So we didn’t want to pay a lot of money to go hear someone speak on “marriage fluff”.  (By that, I mean principles that we already have in place and practice regularly,…“common knowledge” principles of marriage.)  Instead, we wanted to find something that would be “just what we needed”.  And that is exactly what he found!

Whether you think you need to re-focus your marriage or not, I strongly recommend you consider this exact thing.  It doesn’t have to be fancy.  We went to a local hotel, only because we were able to get a really great travel agent rate.  You can plan something like this without going anywhere.  (Quite honestly, I would have preferred my temperpedic over a lumpy hotel bed!)  We had dinner out on Friday and watched a movie.  Then on Saturday morning, we downloaded a series from Family Life called “I Still Do.”  It consisted of four 45 minute sessions by top-notch speakers.  The download was only about $20, and it even came with discussion questions for each section.  We mixed up the weekend with eating out, shopping, playing games, watching the videos & doing the discussion questions.  Overall, it was an incredible weekend of renewing our commitment to love each other for better or worse.  (I highly recommend this series from Family Life!  Just click on the I Still Do to learn more!)

I Corinthians 10:12 warns “Therefore, let anyone who thinks he stands take heed, lest he fall.”  You see, I’m not sharing this because I want everyone to know how strong my marriage is or how awesome my spouse is.  The moment we think our marriage is on solid ground is the moment the enemy attacks.  And the enemy, well he uses some pretty sneaky things to divide marriages.  He uses the lust of the eyes and the pride of life.  He uses our own children to divide us.  He finds ways to have us blame our spouses for anything and everything.  But the one thing I took away from the weekend, the one thing that is solidified even more in my mind is that marriages do not crumble when both spouses have a right relationship with God.  A right relationship with God not only means putting Him first, but it also means not having yourself as the top ranking officer.  Living a self-less life is not easy.  It’s a daily struggle and decision to place “him” (my spouse) as more of a priority than “me”.  It’s a daily choice to decide that I don’t have to be “right”; I don’t have to “win”, and I don’t have to have my way.

No, I don’t share this to brag in any way, shape, or form.  I share this because too often, I hear of friends who have separated.  Friends who are getting divorced.  Irreconcilable differences.  Affairs.  Pornography destroying marriages.  Secret lives.  One spouse left as the victim of the other pursuing their selfish desires.  It breaks my heart to hear of another marriage broken.

In the opening session from “I STILL DO”, Pastor Alistair Begg shared a story that is often repeated during the marriage counseling sessions he conducts.  It goes something like this:  One spouse is complaining about the other, saying she doesn’t do this anymore, and she does that, and I mean, just look at her! – …and she doesn’t support me, and …(insert your own gripe about your spouse.)

Then Pastor Begg will say, “So you’re telling me it’s worse?” 

To which the spouse replies, “YES!”  It’s worse!  So much worse!

And Pastor Begg, in his awesome Scottish accent simply says, “Well, isn’t that what you signed up for?  For better or worse?” 

(Insert time standing still while you chew on the reality of that comment!)

Regardless of your personal faith, I would venture to say if you are married or have been married in the past, you said your marriage vows in the presence of witnesses and before God.  We promised to stick with our spouse for better or worse. 

One day, it will turn “worse”.  It is inevitable.  We get older; we get plumper; we are just not as attractive as we once were.  Our spouse hurts us.  We have financial issues.  Our kids have special needs.  Life is just stinkin’ hard, and it’s easier to take the frustrations of life out on our spouse than it is to figure out a way to work through the problems.

But you know what?  Yes, there will be a day when “worse” will come.  But “better” can be just around the corner.  Just because it’s “worse” now doesn’t mean it will stay that way or progress further downhill.  We promised to love selflessly, through the good & bad; sickness & in health, as long as we are alive. 

I probably wrote down 50 different Bible verses this week for practical living in my marriage.  But the one that sticks with me…the one that I believe is really key to success in marriage is Philippians 2:3:  “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or pride, but let us each put the needs of others over our own needs and desires.”  This weekend was such a good reminder of how easy it is to put myself first and how important it is to make sure that doesn't happen.

I close with this final thing…
A few years ago, after hearing of yet another casualty in our church, my friend Jennifer Davis & I wrote the song below.  May we never consider our marriages disposable, and may we always choose to fight for our family; selflessly; putting others before ourselves.

Verse One
One by one, they're falling apart.
Marriages ending.  Broken hearts.
They made it this long for the kids.
But they're all grown, so it's time to quit.
They promised to love through thick and thin
But somehow the outlook changed to grim.
It's over.  There's no love anymore.
Pack your bags.  There's the door.

Chorus
You've got to fight for your family.
Quit fighting for yourself.
Selfless living.  Be forgiving.
Don't you know true love is never ending?
It's time to take a stand.
And fight with all your might...for your family.

Verse Two
He picked up the phone but just couldn’t dial.
She sat there wishing they could talk for a while.
Regret sank in as time slipped by.
Was he too late?  Was it really goodbye?
He knew he’d been selfish.  It was time to admit
All the ways he’d hurt her before calling it quits.
“Can we meet tonight?” he cried on the phone
“God’s been working on me.  I want to come home.”

Tag
We live our lives throwing daggers and knives
Disposable husbands.  Disposable wives.
But imagine the changes that God will do
If others are considered better than you.

Chorus
You've got to fight for your family.
Quit fighting for yourself.
Selfless Living.  Be forgiving.
Don't you know true love is never ending?
It's time to take a stand.
And fight with all your might...for your family.

 

Pray with me, will you?  Pray for the families you know that are struggling?  Pray they won't give up?  Fight for them in your very own war room / prayer room.  If you are struggling, please tell me.  I want to pray for you.  Don't give up when it's "worse"...it can get better, but it takes two people putting God first to make it happen.  "Above all else, guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life."  Proverbs 4:23

 

 

-- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

I’m cuckoo for…

“…so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way;
bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.”  --Colossians 1:10  

On the outside looking in, just about anyone would describe me as a workaholic.  In truth, that is not me at all – I’m really quite lazy and would prefer to not invest so many hours into my job.  The problem is that I have an equally competing voice in my lazy head that tells me I can give nothing less than my best, whether to my employer or whatever project I’m working on.  It’s this strong work ethic and strive for excellence that makes me work the crazy hours that I do, and it’s this same work ethic that seems to get my work-life balance out of whack repeatedly. 

Every few years, the Lord hits me upside my hard head to remind me that my calling is first and foremost as a wife and mom.  It’s why we sold our company 9 years ago, and most recently, He clearly showed me that I better make some immediate adjustments once again.  It was very clear that my family was getting only the fumes left in my tank, and my priorities were not where God wanted them to be.  (I'm proud to say that so far, so good...successful implementation of those changes and less hours are being worked!)

I used the time in Tanzania to gain a new perspective and try to retain special memories with my children and husband.  This is yet another one of those memories, written from the perspective of my true calling – a mom.  Perhaps only mothers who can act ridiculously crazy without reserve will really understand the details below, but I’ll do my best to explain how it all went down.  All I know is that I must live my life in a manner worthy of my calling, and my actions must be consistent to reflect the love of Jesus within me.

It was our last day of ministry, and as mentioned in the last blog entry, I was teamed up with Jacob & Amber for the day, my own two children.  Our guide and translator Willfred led us up the mountain to our first stop in Kubiterere.  Willfred worked to gather together anyone who would listen.  Adults & children started to circle around, and I randomly snapped the below picture of others making their way toward us.  

Little did I know that the little guy in the orange shirt would make such a great impact on me. 

In total, we had about 15 kids and quite a few adults who sat and listened as I shared the gospel.  After I shared, Amber presented the Evangecube, and by the time we were done, nearly every adult and some of the older children within earshot had made a decision to put their faith in Christ.

As Amber shared, I looked at the children.  One by one, I made eye contact with them, trying to get a little smile out of each one.  Two of them, Sabena & Joseph, were determined to remain solemn.  I don’t know if Joseph was afraid or just shy, but try as I might, this momma couldn’t get him to understand that I offered only unconditional love, nothing more.  His Mr. Tough-Guy façade stayed for the duration of my time there.

The little guy in the orange striped shirt is Joseph, aka Mr. Tough Guy. I never could get him to crack a smile, not even once.

As the people went back to their daily work and the children dispersed, one of the adults proudly asked if he could show Amber & Jacob where he lived.  Willfred gave me a nod that it was ok, and off Jacob & Amber went.  I stayed behind with the specific intent to win over the one remaining tough guy.

Meet Sabena.

I snapped this picture without him knowing it.  The minute he saw my camera, the tough-guy face re-appeared.

He kept his distance, and no matter how hard I tried to get a little grin from his round face, success did not seem to be in the cards. 

Enter on the scene a little girl named Rachel. 

She was fearless, full of precious smiles, and little did she know that she would be my pivotal partner in winning over Sabena. 
Rachel let me take her picture and waited anxiously to see the image pop up on the screen of my camera. 

She started climbing on me and let me hold her.  Eventually, she landed right on my lap. 

Her lack of fear drew Sabena over a little closer and closer, until he eventually seemed comfortable standing next to me…but still no smile.

I knew there was a smile inside dying to get out, but Sabena was determined to stifle it.  You can ask either of my kids, I’m a pretty strong-willed momma who likes a challenge.  If Sabena was going to be a pickle, then I wasn’t leaving until I had successfully taken the vinegar out of the pickle.

I’m not sure how long Amber & Jacob were gone, maybe about 15 minutes.  However long it was, it was too quick, because they were back with me before I was ready for them to be back.  I knew that their return meant that we needed to move on to the next hut.  And Sabena had not even cracked a smile. 

It was time to go, and in my heart of hearts, this little boy was only still hanging around us because he longed to be loved-on, the way I was hugging on Rachel.  I held up my hand as if to ask for a few more minutes of precious time with these children.  I believed that I was close to a breakthrough with Sabena.  I think Amber could sense the special moment building, too.  Providentially, she grabbed my camera and began snapping pictures – pictures worth more than 1000 words to me. 

My gut tells me Sabena had never seen a white person (mzungu) before, let alone one as scary-looking as me. 

As I continued to pour out love on Sabena, the magic of tickling took over.  He finally dropped his guard, allowing Mr. Tough Guy to vanish and the child within to emerge.  He let me pick him up, and he started to drop the walls he had built up.  

Trust began to build as he eventually made his way into the half of my lap that Rachel did not occupy.

Admittedly, I acted crazy. 

I was a total goofball as together the three of us laughed incessantly. 

I found myself reaching over to kiss Sabena's forehead.  It wasn't planned; it just happened, because that's what moms do. They kiss the children they love.  Somehow in such a short time, a special bond had formed between us, and in that instant, I loved Rachel & Sabena as if they were my own children!  

I had known their names only a short time, yet my heart was overflowing with so much love that I would
swear under oath that they were my own flesh and blood.  It was a priceless memory.  

Against my wishes, I knew my time with these precious children was over, and we had to move on to the next hut to share the Gospel.  If it were up to me, I might still be on the top of the mountain with Rachel & Sabena in my arms.  I walked away trying to fight the tears of the experience.  

Even as I write, the memories can be described as nothing more than a momma’s pure joy.  Jacob, on the other hand, described it as something else. 

As we walked away, he began to tell me that I acted inappropriately.  You see, being the youngest, he’s really never seen his mom love on children that weren’t my own flesh and blood.  I tried to tell Jacob that I couldn't help it; it was the momma in me that took over.  Apparently, though, Jacob wasn’t done lecturing me.  “Mom,” he said, “I don’t think Dad would have acted like that.  You can’t blame it on being a parent.”  I agreed with him, for sure; Frank would never have acted the way I did.  It’s not in his Ph.D. reserved nature or DNA.  But me, I don’t have that degree, I only have my MOM degree.  I’m just a mom who loves children, so I vehemently defended my actions with my son. 

In Jacob’s defense, he really was not trying to steal my joy; he was simply trying to shed light on how foolishly I had behaved.  That’s my Jacob: I can always count on him to share his perspective with raw honesty, without reserve.  For sure, he did just that.

Therefore, he was not yet finished with the critique of my behavior. 

“Mom, you were completely cuckoo.  Totally cuckoo, mom.  It was really bad & embarrassing, mom.  I mean, you were completely crazy.”  (Insert his imitation of me goofing around with the kids and don't forget to include a high pitched unintelligible voice.) 

As he searched for the words to further describe my inappropriate behavior, I cut him off and told him, “Yes, Jacob, I know.  I get it.  I'm guilty, I am.  I’m cuckoo.  I’m just cuckoo for kids.  That’s what a mom does; it’s part of my nature; and I can’t help it.” 

And about as quickly as I said that I was cuckoo for kids, both of us simultaneously added, “Cuckoo for cocoa kids.” 

Yeah.  Let that one sink in for a moment.

A few seconds passed before any of us realized exactly what we said when alluding to the well-known Cocoa Puffs slogan. 

The three of us stopped and laughed uncontrollably while our Tanzanian partners looked at us with bewilderment.  Even with their grasp of the English language, I don’t think they could ever imagine what exactly was going on or what was said. 

It was the perfect ending to that perfect memory.  It was also a perfect example of Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart does good like a medicine.”  God knew my heart needed that massive belly laugh to get through the moment.

As I’ve tried to detail my story about Rachel & Sabena on the mountain, I can’t help but think of the spiritual applications of each person in the story. 

Mr. Tough guy Joseph went away, never knowing what it was like to open his heart to a stranger and trust them.  I pray that he will one day know what it’s like to trust Jesus as his best friend.

Rachel allowed herself to be vulnerable, not letting fear of the unknown grip her.  Because of it, she was influential in helping her friend experience love.  Granted, I’m not God by any means, but I hope that those two children will have a memory of when the mzungu woman came to their village to show God’s love.  I pray that I was an expression of Him.

And Sabena…he overcame his fear, dropped his guard, and experienced something new.  If nothing else, I hope he learned to fear a little less and trust a little more.  (I think he definitely learned that tickles and laughter are good for the soul, too!)

I don’t know what memories Rachel & Sabena will retain from the time in my lap on the mountain, but I know that these two impacted me pretty deeply. 

And me, I’m reminded to be a friend like Rachel.  I’m reminded to persist when I believe God is leading me to (with Sabena), and I’m reminded to give up when He isn’t (Joseph).  I’m reminded that God’s timing is perfect, and finally, I’m reminded to count my blessings, each and every one of them.

It’s also just another reminder to me that my first calling is being a mom.  It’s innate and natural.  I proudly wear the title Mumzy (so given to me by Amber several years ago).  I love the fact that I don’t have to stick with any nice and neat persona in a box just because Jacob wants me to, and it's ok to be cuckoo and crazy when God leads you to do it.   

All I know is that I loved those children in the way that I believed Jesus wanted me to.  I pray that I lived in a manner worthy of my calling.  Finally, I hope I showed my children that it’s ok to be cuckoo, as long as you’re doing it for the right reasons...  Even if it means being cuckoo for cocoa kids.

 

 

-- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Observations from Amsterdam...

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery...
You, my brothers, wre called to be free.  
But do not use  your freedom to indulge the sinful nature;
rather, serve one another in love.  
The entire law is summed up in a single command:  
'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "  
Galatians 5:1, 13-14

 

For those who are my friends on Facebook, you know that I've spent the last week primarily in The Netherlands.  The purpose of the trip was for work, but I had the privilege of going in a few days early with a friend so I could see the city.  
I've been through the airport in the past, but I've never been able to go experience the Dutch culture, and this was my perfect opportunity.  

But as I reflect on my time there, I have some observations to share...

First, most Americans are lazy.  
OK, I really can't fairly speak for the majority of Americans, but I can speak for myself -- I am lazy.  There, I said it.  Over the last week, I walked and hiked more than I have in the entire last year, and that even includes the walking conducted on past shopping excursions (that's a lot, by the way!).  

When I want to go somewhere in the USA, I jump in the car and take off.  I don't use public transportation.  And, I definitely never consider jumping on my bike that is hanging in my garage, probably full of cobwebs, untouched since our move to this house 5 years ago.

But in Amsterdam, a motorized vehicle is a minority.  Bicycles, well they are the majority.  There are multi-level parking garages full of them.  There are no cars in the garages; no, they are 100% full of every kind of bicycle you can imagine.  Old, new, locked, unlocked, and probably some broke ones, too.

 

And that leads me to my next observation.  In Amsterdam, pedestrians do not have the right of way.  Ever.  Although I never saw an accident while I was there, I did experience my friends saving my life time and time again.  Just when I thought it was safe to cross the street, someone grabbed me to hold me back, because a bus, taxi, or more often, 50 bicyclists were about to converge on the same area where my feet were headed.

 

 

Third, Amsterdam has some pretty delectible treats to offer.  
From the Stroupe Waffles I brought home with me, to the breads, and the incredible fresh fruits, combined with the various pastries, well, let's just say that this girls's sweet tooth was pretty content.  My favorite meal was at this place below.  The man in the picture makes fresh crepes with each order. My friend and I each ordered a different crepe and then split them, so we could try them both.  So by the time I left, I had a half of a mozzarella crepe, a half of a strawberry crepe, topped with nutella and chocolate, and then finally, for desert, I had a pastry filled with strawberries, nutella, chocolate, ice cream and real whipped cream.  My taste buds thanked me for taking them.  My hips did not.

 

 

Next observation: Amsterdam is a beautiful city.  Truly, some of the features are incredible and the architecture is gorgeous!  I love the way that parts of the old city has seemingly stopped in time.

On top of that, Amsterdam hosts the Anne Frank house.  I could have spent hours upon hours reading and re-reading the excerpts from the Diary of Anne Frank as I toured the house she and her family hid in.  The outside of the house was under renovation, so the only shot I got was this one below.  No pictures were permitted inside, just like in the Van Gogh museum, so you'll have to go for yourself to check it out.  It's a must see, and you also really need to buy tickets in advance if you don't want to wait forever in line for a timed entrance.

However, as beautiful as this city is, I guarantee you I could live the rest of my life without passing another sex shop or storefront selling "magic mushrooms", and in doing so, I would be fully complete.  

Depending on what list you read, Amsterdam either tops the list of the ten most sinful cities in the world or at least ranks in the top 5.  While I was there, I took a canal cruise, and the recording that told about the sites in the city said something like this, "Amsterdam was founded by a group of citizens wanting freedom.  Amsterdam is not known for its great churches and cathedrals, but rather for its red-light district."  

Friends, from my observation, let me tell you, this is a true statement.  Dispersed between the souvenir shops and restaurants downtown is every kind of immoral site you can imagine.  I saw a sign that said, "The sex workers do not want to be photographed."  I passed by at least one "Sex Museum", probably multiple ones.  Mechanical things I can't really describe in this blog were openly on display in windows.  I walked across a sidewalk with a sculpture of a woman's breasts with a man's hand on one of them, which of course seemed completely appropriate, given the city I was visiting.

In The Fault in Our Stars, John Green wrote, "Some tourists think Amsterdam is a city of sin, but in truth, it is a city of freedom.  And in freedom, most people find sin."  

As I think about this quote, I realize the depth of truth it offers.  Freedom.  As a Christian, I believe Christ died to give us freedom, freedom in Him.  He doesn't impose His will on me; I have a choice.  I can choose to pursue fleshly desires and live a life of sin, or I can choose to deny self and follow Christ.  And I have to ask, which one offers true freedom?

When you're surrounded by the "norm" being the antithesis of everything you believe in, the freedom of choosing sin over Christ is a real possibility for even the most seasoned Christian.  I found myself quoting Scripture about renewing my mind and taking every thought captive.  When you're in a foreign land, the enemy quickly whispers, "no one is watching."  Now don’t worry, I didn't visit any inappropriate places while I was there, nor was I even really tempted to do so.  But I did find my mind wandering with curse words being the first thought to enter my brain when I would hit my head on a short doorframe, which is quite unlike me.  (Another observation - the Dutch are apparently not very tall people, and I have several knots on my noggin to support that observation!)  In short (pun intended), It's easy to let your guard down without even knowing you've done it.  

I Corinthians 6:12 says, "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial.  Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything."  So I wonder how many freedom seeking people involved in this lifestyle are mastered by it.  I would venture to say there are many addicted, and the freedom they think they have is really no freedom at all.  In reality, they are slaves to the sin.  The Bible says in Hebrews that sin is fun for a season.  Proverbs 16:25 says "There is a way that appears to be right, but the end is death."  

I Peter 5:8 says we have to be sober and alert because the enemy is prowling around looking to devour us.  So my challenge to you (and myself) today is from these Scriptures:

2 Corinthians 10:5 "Demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ."  

Romans 12:-2  "Do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you will be able to prove what is good and acceptable and pleasing to God."

Am I perfect?  No, of course not.  I am a sinner, saved by God's grace.  And please understand I'm not trying to write this with a premise of being a "holier than thou" Christian who does no wrong.  Lord knows that is far from the truth, and if in doubt, just ask my kids who will quickly write an expose on their mother.  

I just want to be the best Beth that I can be in God's eyes, through His strength, not my own.  Even in the midst of the evil, there was so much beauty in Amsterdam that my heart felt a pang about leaving.  But that's how satan works, you know?  Because my final observation is that it doesn't take much for satan to get a foothold on a little piece of your heart, and that little piece can easily turn into a big hunk, and eventually he'll claim squatters rights on a large oversized portion.  His control slowly grows as I let him.

I'll close with one of my favorite songs that I keep on my playlist.  It's by Casting Crowns, and it's called "Slow Fade."  All it takes is for satan to get just a little piece of your heart, and from there, it's a slow fade, so slow, that we often don't even realize it's happened until we've messed up so badly that we hit rock bottom.

Be cautious.  As cautious as pedestrians crossing the road in Amsterdam.  Don't take one step into the street when possible danger (or a bicycle) is headed your way.  Look left.  Look right.  And look left again.  Do a double, even a triple take, because as quickly as bicycles appeared out of nowhere with the intent to run me over, satan himself will attempt to do the same thing.  

 

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray 
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray 
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

 

--- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

 

 

 

ISIS in Jesus' time...

“ Now Herod had arrested John and bound him and put him in prison because of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, for John had been saying to him:  ‘It is not lawful for you to have her,’  Herod wanted to kill John, but he was afraid of the people, because they considered him a prophet.  On Herod’s birthday, the daughter of Herodias danced for them and pleased Herod so much that he promised with an oath to give her whatever she asked.  Prompted by her mother, she said, ‘Give me here on a platter the head of John the Baptist.’  The king was distressed, but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he ordered that her request be granted and had John beheaded in the prison.  His head was brought in on a platter and given to the g9irl, who carried it to her mother.”  Matthew 11:3-11

 

I read these verses yesterday, and all throughout the day, my thoughts rolled back to the daughter of Herodias and I had so many questions I wanted to explore.

*Although clearly prompted by her mom to ask for John’s head, did she willingly obey or did she do it because she had to obey? 
*Did she have the same hatred for John the Baptist as her mother? 
*Did she have nightmares about seeing John the Baptist’s head on a platter? 
*Did she ever experience regret? 
*Was she traumatized for life? 
*Didn’t she realize that her mom and dad were separated because her mom decided to leave her father Philip (Herod’s half-brother) to go be the Herod’s mistress? 
*Did she realize the motives behind the request?  (Herod and Herodias’ hatred for John was only because John condemned the sinful life they were living. )

I’ll never know the answers to these questions; I can only speculate.

I then started to think about the hatred that ISIS has for Christians.  In actuality, they want to eradicate any religion other than their own.  On today, the anniversary of September 11^th, our nation is on high guard against attack.  But a few days ago, my Hindu neighbor who is from India told me that India is actually on high guard against radical muslim attack as well.  (I had no idea!).  

This pure evil hatred that is being expressed in videos is something that they are teaching their children as well.  I saw a video recently of 3 sons of radical muslims who have been trained to be just like their fathers.  The video was a very well-articulated rant of hatred and a threat of eradication of Christians.  When I watched the video, I just shook my head .  These boys were 11 or 12, at best.  And they’ve been taught to allow hatred to consume them.  GOD IS LOVE.  And this video was the complete antithesis of the God I serve.

In light of this passage and the current situation in the world, how much more do we need to instill in our children Godly principles?  If God is LOVE, the antithesis of hatred, am I teaching my kids as much as ISIS is to the contrary?  As much as I’ve tried to teach my children scripture and make daily applications, can I really say I’ve done it with the same passion that is being taught these kids in the Middle East? 

That’s a question I don’t think I can answer in the affirmative, try as I might.

Let’s not just teach our children right from wrong.   Let’s not just teach them Bible verses.  Without the daily application for living, they so easily can be swayed to do things they one day will (perhaps like Herodias’ daughter) regret.  Statistics show that after kids grow into adults, many leave the church, and the #1 reason is because although they may have made a commitment to God and started a relationship with Him as a child, they never really made it their own.  It was their parent’s religion, not their personal relationship.  They never questioned things when they were younger.  They just accepted what their parents said as truth and then once they became adults, they started questioning.  At that point, they’re in college and likely surrounded by the wrong sources of wisdom.

So let’s take some advice from Crosby, Stills, and Nash, “Teach Your Children Well”!

 

--- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

Creative parenting...

“Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand…For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks…”  Matthew 12:25,34b

In this passage, Jesus addresses the Pharisees when they accuse him of being the devil himself.  Jesus point blank tells them, “Every kingdom divided against itself cannot stand.”  (Sidenote: This definitely makes me really concerned about the future of the USA with the constant division between republicans and democrats, but alas, that’s not the purpose of this blog…)  

Jesus then goes on to say, “Every city or household divided against itself cannot stand.”  And that’s where I am focused this morning.  The household.  If you know me personally, you will know that my one constant prayer request for about 2 years running now is that we will have wisdom to know how to parent our children as individuals.  Admittedly, parenting is a hard task, and I tip my hat to those who tackle it by themselves.  Unless God puts me in that situation, I can’t imagine ever having to do it.  With our oldest now in college, you would think parenting would be easier, but I’m not finding that to be the case.  At times, I find it overwhelming, especially right now with a full-blown adolescent teenaged boy in the house.

Have you ever built a tower with Lincoln logs or Legos?  Now, truth be told, I haven’t built very many, because my children never really played with those toys.  In fact, Jacob told me the other day that he didn’t play with them because they left nothing to the imagination.  (I thought they were so popular because you could use your imagination to build anything with them!)  Not Jacob, though.  He would rather create something out of paper and tape instead of putting together pre-made pieces that link together to form something.  “That’s real creativity, mom.” 

Top & Bottom Left: A self portrait  Top Right: A set of aerodynamic wings he swears will be able to help him fly (if only he were the weight of a bird)  Bottom right: a net, made from paper and tape, twisted together and tied in knots

Indeed, he has made some incredible things by being creative in this way, and it’s true, even when he was a toddler, he didn’t play with the box of Legos we had purchased.  But if I gave him tape, paper and/or a cardboard box, he would play for hours.  He somehow had a plan in his mind of what the completed project was supposed to look like, and he would execute the plans until the project was perfected.

Top Left - a revolver made completely from tape...not that I'm proud of my son designing a revolver, but you have to admit it's pretty cool.  Top right:  I believe this ended up being transformed into some kind of a shield  Bottom Left: No, this isn't a pitchfork, it's a triton   Bottom Right:  "Rubberband Man", one of my personal favorites, made completely from rubberbands, no glue or anything else.

So if you by chance have played with Legos, imagine working with a partner and laying your foundational Lego pieces.  You begin to build higher and higher, but you realize that something doesn’t look or feel quite right.  You look down and realize the reason is because some of the foundation bricks you laid are no longer there.  Perplexed, you discover that you’re not working with your partner at all to build one big edifice.  You are working together, side by side to build the same thing, but your idea of how it should be done is quite different from your partner, so you end up with two smaller, less stable, very different creations.  Your partner is building a creation and you are building yours. 

When Jesus says “a house divided against itself cannot stand” I can only think of how important it is to be unified as parents in how we raise our children.  This is easier said than done, as I'm learning daily!  Our faith is the first foundation that everything is built on, but then it gets a little tougher.  If you’ve struggled as a parent, maybe like me, you just don’t know what the right answer is.  Do you make them do their homework or do you let them fail?  Are you rescuing them too much or are you being the kind of parent that God wants you to be?  Maybe you’re new to parenting, and you wonder if you should spank your child or if you can correct megative behavior with “time-outs”.  Maybe your husband/wife doesn’t believe in spanking and you believe you should.  Maybe you and your spouse are together building your own Lego creations...separately

As I read this passage, I am reminded that I do not have all the answers.  There are so many “unknowns” in the realm of parenting.  But this one thing I do know, the foundation of parenting must be firmly grounded in Jesus Christ.  I find it interesting that Jesus later says “…out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”  Last week was extremely stressful on me.  Our family was out in California to take our oldest to college, and leaving her out there was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  My husband stayed an extra week, but I had to come home with our son so he could start his sophomore year of high school.  The stress of getting back in the school groove, combined with a week of single parenting, combined with massive stress at work after being gone for 12 days culminated in a massive outpouring of anger on my son Thursday night. 

After he went to bed, the Holy Spirit nudged me (kicked me, actually) and I realized that although the content of what I said to my son was 100% accurate and truthful, the way I delivered it was in no way a resemblance of my Heavenly Father.  I’m so thankful He gives us fresh mercies every morning, because on Friday morning, the first thing I said to Jacob was that I was sorry for losing my temper with him.  I asked him to forgive me, and he did.  As I look back over last week, my daily quiet time was limited to reading the daily “Jesus Calling” while sitting in the bathroom.  I was going a mile a minute dealing with life's stresses that I pretty much neglected my relationship with God.  On top of that, I don’t sleep well when my husband is out of town, so suffice it to say I was one big mess emotionally, and I pretty much relieved all those stresses on my son.  “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”  Yep, that’s what took place for sure.  Again, I’m so thankful that God is a forgiving God who gives new mercies!

But back to parenting...  “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”  Just like Jacob had a plan for each of his creations, as parents, I'm reminded that we must have a plan.  We must have a plan for discipline, for teaching our kids the Bible, and for preparing them for life.  When our kids were younger, my husband and I used to have an annual retreat where we planned out yearly goals for our kids and our marriage.  It was always a time to evaluate what we’ve done right and wrong and a time to ask God to show us the next step.  We no longer have annual retreats, per se, because at this stage of parenting, those meetings have to come much more frequently as we navigate the tender adolescent teenaged years.  Trust me, they more closely resemble weekly, if not daily meetings, trying to come up with a plan that will help tackle whatever the daily problem is.

Top Left:  Helmet (made to size); he eventually spray painted it gold, his favorite color   Top Right: A working bow and arrow, made from post-it notes, tape, and rubberbands  Middle Left: An army ninja  Bottom Left: turtle spinner

So my thoughts are this:  Do you have a firm foundation in your home and marriage?  In Texas, we have to actually water the foundation of our homes to avoid cracks.  Figuratively, are you watering your foundation with the Living Water of Jesus Christ on a regular basis so your heart overflows His love?   Are you consistent in your discipline?  Do you have a unified creative plan in place for each of your individual children?  Do you regularly have marital staff meetings to evaluate your family and set goals?  Are you working together to raise the kids or are you workig your plan and your spouse working his, hoping one of you is doing something right.  And as you work those plans, are you spending the necessary time in the Word so that your heart is filled with God-thoughts and they outpour through your lips? 

All these random thoughts about family, children, and being creative as a unified parental front do really hit home for me.  Parenting is tough.  Sometimes I want to give up.  Sometimes I feel like I can't find a creative way to fix the problem.  Sometimes I try to tell God this isn't what I signed up for.  (Honesty is the best policy, right?  And I'm just being honest here!)  I'm just so thankful for God's Word and how He allows phrases to jump out and hit home in my heart, right when I need to be reminded of them the most.  I'm thankful, too, for a Godly husband who leads our family but mostly for a loving God who loves me in spite of my sinful outbursts and mid-life temper tantrums.

 

--- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

 

When MY desires become His...

Psalm 37:4  “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

 

During the first week of September, 1995, my husband and I went on a little vacation to the Smoky Mountains.  For me, this was going to be a vacation of new thinking.  A vacation of forgetting the past and being open to whatever God’s plans for me were.

You see, for 3+ years before that, I had been obsessed with becoming pregnant.  It’s all I longed for.  It’s what I prayed for.  It’s what consumed my thoughts.  It consumed me, actually, in a very unhealthy way.  I was even on fertility medicine, but nothing worked for me.  I probably should have invested stocks in Pregnancy Tests.

Through that period of time in my life, I just kept claiming the verse “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  God knew my desires were to be a mom, even though I was told early on I would never have children.  So over and over, month after month as I learned that I was not pregnant, I just kept quoting that verse.  Praying it.  Internalizing it.  Trying to understand God’s plan.  I had always learned that we should pray specifically, so I prayed repeatedly and very specifically that God would not only let me have a baby, but that the baby would be a girl, and that her name would be Amber.  I was a pastor’s wife, and I was delighting in the things of God, right?  Isn’t that what I was supposed to do to get the desires of my heart?  Well, not really.  As much as I would like to say that I was delighting in the Lord, I was actually delighting in the desires of MY heart, not in the things of the Lord. 

Just a few weeks before our vacation, as I sat down to read my Bible again, my eyes were opened to a new way of reading that verse.  I realized that it’s only when my desires are in line with God’s desires that I’m actually delighting in Him.  Then, and only then, will He give me the desires of my heart.  That night, I experienced a complete catharsis.  I wept uncontrollably, and I gave God all my desires.  I told Him that if He didn’t want me to be a mom, then I didn’t want that either.  And somehow, my heart’s desire really desired that – because it seemed that was what God wanted.  And I truly wanted to be in line with His will for my life.      

That night, I yielded all the desires I had held on to for so long.  I went off the fertility medicine, and I set my mind on new things.  A few weeks later, we were off to have a little vacation in the Smoky Mountains, just Frank and I.  We were having a great time, and for once, I wasn't obsessed with becoming pregnant. 

SideNote: Before getting married, I had this crazy dream of getting married and then jumping out of an airplane with my husband to start our life together.  However, that dream came to a screaming halt as Frank and I became engaged.  Under no circumstances was he going to do that.  It was him or the airplane, and thankfully, it was a close call, but I chose him.  :)

So while we were on vacation, I had the opportunity to go indoor SkyDiving.  If you’ve never done it before, you really must try it.  It gives you the feeling of SkyDiving without ever having to even jump out of a plane.  You go into this large cylinder shaped tower where there is a jet engine pointing upward, covered by a large industrial screen.  You go through a little training class on how to position your body to catch the air, sign your life away in waivers, put on an airsuit, and then float through the tunnel.  It was one of the most exhilarating things I had ever done to that point in my life.

The next day, we were planning on going to Dollywood.  For some reason, I had this crazy thought.  “I better check to make sure I’m not pregnant so I can ride the roller coasters.”  Why I didn’t think of that before I went SkyDiving, I don’t know, but alas, there I was in the hotel room, consumed once again with the thought.  But this time, it wasn’t a hopeful wish, it was a preventative check.  We went to the local drugstore, picked up a PT, and went back to the hotel.  Frank chilled out and fell asleep watching TV. 

If you know me at all, you know I don’t like to wait.  Patience is not something I’m good with.  I spied that pregnancy test, still in its package, and stared at it.  After all the failed tests previously, I knew it was best to wait until the first morning’s…well, you know.  But in true Beth fashion, I went ahead and decided to check.  Within only a minute, a faint positive appeared. 

“Frank!  FRANK!  FRANK!!!!”  I screamed.

I scared him to death, I am sure.  He thought I was dying.  In truth, I was.  My heart was pounding so fast that I didn’t even know if I could breathe.  Never had a test turned positive.  He tried to calm me down; he tried to keep me grounded.  He tried to remind me that false positives do happen.  But in my heart of hearts, I knew otherwise.  I knew I was pregnant.

The next morning, I wrote this letter to my parents…

 

9-6-95, 7 AM

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Mommy and daddy have waited a long time to tell you I’m coming to meet you.  They’ve been praying for me, too.  Now it looks like God answered their prayers.

I’m sure I’ll have brown hair, and maybe I’ll have blue eyes like you, Grandma.  Do you remember mommy had blue eyes when she was a baby?  Maybe I’ll have brown eyes like you, Grandpa…or maybe even hazel eyes like my mommy and daddy.

I hope I’m smart like my daddy and can sing like my mommy.  It would be nice if I’m a girl, but being a boy wouldn’t be so bad!  As long as I’m healthy…  Please pray for me and my mommy and daddy.  They are so excited!  I’ll see you next year some time.

I love you!

Baby Banfill

 

We found the closest post office, and we mailed the letter.  I was on cloud 9, to say the least, and I suddenly didn’t want to be on vacation any longer.  I wanted to get home.  To get to a doctor.  To get a blood test.  I wanted to tell everyone.  But first, I needed someone else to confirm what I believed to be true.

And true it was. 

We later learned we were indeed having a girl, and I was finally going to have my “Amber” that I had prayed so specifically for!  On May 20^th, 1996 at 8:19 PM, 18 years ago tonight, I was blessed with one of the most incredible gifts – the gift of an 8 lb. 14 oz. daughter.  

I know God had special plans for that little girl.  I knew it because I knew she was my miracle baby.  I knew it because God just works like that.  My little baby didn’t stay a baby very long.  She started talking at 7 months, and at 1 year, she was communicating in full sentences.  I really think by the time she reached junior high, she was an adult in a child’s body.  She thought like an adult, reasoned like an adult, and aside from a very rare outbreak of emotions, she acted like an adult.  When most parents were complaining about their rebellious teenaged mouthy daughters, all I could do was thank God for the one He had loaned me.

Where did the time go?  I literally blinked my eyes one time, and those 18 years slipped by.  I went to bed one night with a baby in diapers, and I woke up the next with an adult living upstairs.  It is beyond my scope of understanding how this happened.  But tonight, my baby girl officially said goodbye to childhood and hello to adulthood as she celebrated her 18^th birthday.

I think about the time when she was 2 ½ years old, standing on a piano bench at church, telling people how they can accept Jesus into their life, even though she herself had yet to even understand that decision for herself.   I think about the time when she was in Colombia with me as a 9 year old, sharing her love for God with 1500+ people in an outdoor stadium.  Or when she was asked to represent the USA at the International Festival of Talented Children in Asia.  God has opened up so many doors for this girl in the last 18 years and has granted her success that yields a pretty impressive resume, even by adult standards.

On a superficial level, some may look at Amber and judge her by her accomplishments, without trying to get to know who she really is on the inside.  If that is you, you wouldn’t be the first one to do that, so let me set the record straight.  Win or lose, first or last, this girl’s only real priority is to live for an Audience of One.  She longs to serve and give of herself to others for the cause of Christ.  She cares deeply about her friends and truly is one of the most humble people you could have a conversation with.  She isn’t a super-smart, naturally brilliant child protégé; in fact, she’s graduating 9^th in her class only due to her hard work ethic and discipline.  She exhibits what it means to have character in every sense of the word, making choices to put the Lord first, even if that isn’t the popular thing to do.  I could go on and on, and I’m sure by now you really wish I wouldn’t.  (And if Amber happens to read this, she would wish I hadn't even written this!)

Someone once told me, “You don’t deserve her.”  As mad as that comment made me and as much as it hurt, well, deep down I know that’s true.  I don’t deserve her.  I definitely gave my parents some serious grief and lip as a teenager!  But for whatever reason, God saw fit to loan me for the last 18 years this precious gift of a daughter.  

He saw fit to have her heart beat after His.  And He saw fit to set her apart to live for Him.

I go back to where I started, claiming that verse “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  Did he give me MY desires?  At face value, one may answer with a definitive “YES!”  But that’s not the real story.  I truly believe God gave us Amber because I came to a point that I relinquished my wills and desires to desiring only whatever His Master-Plan was for my life.  It was only when I truly sought Him wholeheartedly that my desires were in line with His desires.  It was when I delighted in the Lord, in what He wanted, not on what I wanted and dreamed for.

Do I deserve her?  No, I most definitely do not.  But especially tonight, on her 18th birthday, as I contemplate the incredible blessing she is to so many, I cannot thank my God enough for trusting me to parent this beautiful, Godly, newly officially an adult, Amber Kay.  

 

--- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

Extra, extra hot fudge, please.

"But the one who does not know and does things
deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. 
From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded;
and from thw one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." 
Luke 12:48

 

Any time I order a sundae at Sonic or McDonald's, I order a hot fudge sundae, extra hot fudge.    Sometimes I phrase it, "lots and lots and lots of hot fudge."  Sometimes I'll ask for it with "double-triple extra hot fudge."  You get the idea.  It may cost me a little extra sometimes, but it's oh-so-good.  I'm a hot fudge freak, and you can really never have too much of it on your ice cream.  You do know that, right?  I don't like chocolate sauce on my ice cream - it's too thin and mostly, it just doesn't add the rich chocolate flavor that hot fudge does.  Yes, that's it.  Hot fudge makes it rich. 

Frank and Amber are out in California, looking at potential colleges for Amber.  Jacob begged me to have a friend over, so I thought it would be great to have his friend go to church with us this morning, then come over and play Minecraft afterward.  Minecraft, in case you don't know, is their obsession.  I can't even begin to describe it to you, but all I know is that if it were up to Jacob, his friends and him would be on skype together all day long, conquering the Minecraft bandits, and building new kingdoms, or whatever they do.

Now, I've never met this friend of his, but Jacob met him last year when he attended Cooper Jr. High, and they became fast friends.  I picked him up for church this morning, and like a good mom, I tried to get to know him a little.  After all, I wanted to know what kind of kid my son is hanging out with, you know?  But in the process of learning "who this friend is", God showed me a bit about myself, while humbling me in the process.

This is what I learned... 

This friend has 2 sisters, one older and one younger.  They all have different last names, because they all have different dads.  He wasn't ashamed of this fact.  That's just "life" for him.  He doesn't know any differently.  Me?  I grew up in a hot fudge kind of family.  My parents were married until the day my dad passed away.  I have three full-blood brothers, all of whom are still married to their "one and only." 

He told me he's lucky, because he lives in a double-wide, and some people don't have a double-wide like he does. 

I asked if his mom has a job, and he excitedly said, "She's starting a new business!"  When I asked what it was, he replied she was going to start selling e-cigarettes.

Our Honda Odyssey is a 2005 Odyssey.  It's paid for, and we have no plans to upgrade it anytime soon.  We certainly don't consider it a luxury vehicle, but let me tell you what this friend's perspective was. 

He asked Jacob, "What is that?"  Jacob replied that it was the screen for the DVD player.  The friend then said, "I knew they made vehicles with screens in them; I've seen it on tv, but I've never been in a van that has one!  That's so cool that you can watch movies in the car!"

He then went on to compliment us on the shades for the windows, the adjustable sun roof, the CD player that actually can load and play 6 different CD's, and the automatic doors that close with the push of a button.  You would think I was driving him around in a decked-out 2014 state-of-the-art vehicle.  My reality: I was driving him around in what many would consider a late-model van.  His reality: it was the nicest vehicle he'd ever been in or even seen up-close.  Our van was one with double-triple hot fudge.

I told the boys I would take them to McDonald's after church so we could eat quickly, and they could get home to play their game.  Jacob's friend said, "My family doesn't ever go out to eat.  I don't really know what they have."  He then told me he was really hungry, though, because he didn't eat any breakfast.  I suggested he get a Big Mac and fries, because I wanted him to not be hungry.

We went through the drive-thru, and as we made our way to our house, I pressed the garage door opener.  Squeals came from the back.  "Wow!  I have never seen one of those garages that actually open by themselves!"  Jacob told him that I pressed the button on the remote control, so it didn't really open all on its own.  That didn't matter to his friend, because as we pulled the van into the garage, he made a comment about our garage.  Now, we have a 2-car garage, and we actually have it clean and organized enough to park two cars in it each night. 

It's another thing we take for granted. 

This friend, well, he had never been in a garage.  Truth.  He told me he thinks it's awesome that we have a garage to park our cars in and keep our things in.  Oh, the things we take for granted.  A home (and a garage) with extra,extra hot fudge!

As we went inside, I had to turn our security alarm off, and more innocent questions ensued.  He turned the corner, and he saw our table in the kitchen nook where we eat.  I told the boys to sit right down, and I would get plates for the food.  Jacob's friend thought it was amazing that we had a kitchen table - a place for us to all eat together and sit down.  I intentionally didn't tell him we had a dining room table too, one that we only use for overflow company, craft projects, or for homework when the kids need to really spread out.

I got the plates, and I told the boys, "Let's pray."  Jacob's friend had that "uh-oh" look on his face, and he said, "I'm sorry, I already ate a french fry."  I told him no worries, God understands!  We prayed, and then I watched in wonder as he devoured a Big Mac, and at least a large French Fry, plus more from another carton.  This boy was hungry.  I wasn't sure if he had no food at home or just chose not to eat breakfast; I was afraid to ask. 

As I contemplated the conversations I've had with Jacob's friend today, the things I've seen him marvel at -- things routine, taken for granted, and mundane to this family --certainly not considered as "special", I'm humbled.  By God's grace, He gave me the forethought to invite Jacob's friend to church and then over for "hang out time" with Jacob.  The boys get so involved in their game that it never dawned on Jacob to do some socializing outside of Minecraft, so when I suggested inviting him to church, Jacob thought it was a grand idea.  As we pulled out of our driveway this morning to get the friend, Jacob and I prayed together that his friend would start to understand what it's like to have a relationship with God.  Because he was so readily able to attend church with us, we naturally deduced that he and his family are unchurched.  For the most part, this appears to be accurate. 

But as I already mentioned early on, in part, my motivation was also to "get to know this kid Jacob spends so much time playing video games with."  As I thought about the events of today, I can't help but know that my perspective was so wrong.  Perhaps I should be more concerned with how my children are influencing others for Christ instead of what kind of influence others are having on my children.  Yes, I need to be concerned about both, but they both need to work hand-in-hand, with one not weighing more than the other.  We sometimes live in our perfect little hot fudge bubble, hoping no one will pop it our disrupt our lives by emptying the jar.  We want our toys; we want our 2 cars; we want our 3.14 children in our perfect little family.  (I believe that average is actually now lower, probably so the parentals can have more toys.)

And my point is that God has blessed our family beyond anything this friend has ever seen.  To some, we look rich.  Extra, extra  hot fudge.  To others, we look middle class, just with some hot fudge.  The truth is that compared to the rest of the world, even this friend of Jacob's is "rich". 

And so that brings me back to the verse...  "To whom much is given, much will be required." 

Friends, it's not just me.  We are rich.  Period,  And God, the giver of all hot-fudge riches, is one day going to ask us, "What did you do with what I gave you?"  And I must have an answer.  We all must have an answer.  Just like the parable of the talents in Matthew 25, when the master returns, will he say, "Well done, good and faithful servant.  You have been faithful in a few things, and so I will put you in charge of many things."  Or, will the master say to me, "You wicked and lazy servant." 

In Jacob's friend's eyes, we are probably the richest people he knows.  Yes, having served overseas, compared to African children, I know our family is so rich -- rich in love, in possessions, and in spiritual blessings.  I just didn't expect to be reminded of that fact this morning by a 13-year old boy who lives 8 minutes from my home. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go feed two boys some ice cream.  With lots and lots of hot fudge.  And whipped cream, too.  Because you know, only rich people keep hot fudge in their pantry, for such a time as this. 

"But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows.  From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from thw one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." 

And now that you know, you, like me, have no excuse.  Think of that next time you order some hot fudge.

 

--- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wipe that look off your face!

 "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow, the Lord will do amazing things among you."
Joshua 3:5 

This was the verse that God gave me on Sunday.  I wasn't sure why, but it stuck with me, and I kept being drawn back to it, even after our class moved on further in our study of Joshua.  You know, when you read something like that, you don't necessarily think God's talking directly to you, but something inside me just felt like He might be doing just that.

Ceartainly you've heard the expression "Wipe that look off your face before I wipe it off for you."  Nearly everyone has. Perhaps you've had it said to you, or in the heat of the moment, perhaps you've said it to one of your children.  (No, certainly not the latter with me.  Never.)

If you've ever had it said to you, it's also quite likely you didn't even know you had that look on your face!  You're just simply unaware of it.  But those words (ok not exactly, but that concept!) is what Father whispered to me Tuesday morning: "Wipe that look off your face!  I AM GOD  What do you expect?"

Let me back up.  As you know by now if you've read anything I've written this summer, my daughter and I spent time in Zambia in July, working with orphans.  When I first came back, I was gung-ho about telling each girl's story, hoping and praying God would move someone to sponsor one of them through what is called the "Father's Heart" program.  

But honestly, I didn't feel the love reciprocated.  I knew I couldn't expect others to share my passion for these girls. Until you've hugged them and looked into their eyes yourself, I'm not sure you can fully share that passion.  But I still hoped and prayed that God would provide a way for them to be sponsored. Every few days, sometimes every other week, I would post a snippet about the need for them to have an education on my facebook page.  I talked about it with anyone who would listen, yet aside from a few, most were not moved to action. 

The deadline for sponsorship was Tuesday - October 1st, and both Amber and I have been overwhelmed with grief and emotion, knowing that some of "our girls" will attend school next term, and some in the same community will have to stay behind and watch their friends leave for school.  The thought of them thinking that "Auntie Beth worked hard to find sponsors for the others, but somehow Auntie Beth didn't find a sponsor for ME" has haunted me, honestly.

Monday morning, my daughter Amber left for school with tears in her eyes and a pack of brochures in her hand.  She said she's determined to somehow find a way to get the rest of her girls sponsored.  She had planned to walk the Kroger parking lot after school to tell people about the Father's Heart Program and "her girls" that still needed sponsored.  That was her plan, anyway, until I told her she wasn't allowed to solicit at Kroger.  I just looked her in the eye and told her God knows.  God knows which one of our girls must be in school this year.  And if for some reason they can't be sponsored this year, then maybe next.  I told her we'd done everything we can do, and the rest was up to God.

Yes, to say I had pretty much given up would be an accurate statement.  We both have hugged each other and cried together over these girls that we fell in love with this last summer.  But we were downcast, losing hope.  And God said, "Wipe that look off your face, oh ye of little faith!"  

I don't know why I lose faith so easily sometimes.  He's proven Himself faithful over and over again.  He is incapable of faithlessness.  In fact, earlier in the day on Monday, I had received word that someone was looking for a girl to sponsor and had selected Agness, one of the girls from my group.  I checked my email later in the evening, only to discover the whole story.  You see, the day SNAPS (pictures) were taken, Agness wore a pink Batman t-shirt.  The family who was praying over which child to select was immediately drawn to Agness, because the husband is a huge Batman fan.  They referred to her as the "Batgirl" but they didn't want to pick her solely on the t-shirt, so they decided to let God choose.  They prayed over 3 girls, and then put their names in a cup...whichever one was chosen would be the one God wanted them to sponsor.  And of course, God orchestrated for them to choose Agness' name, aka "Batgirl."  

I don't know when it started happening.  Maybe 6 or 7 PM on Monday.  But I got a message from my friend Susan Kendall, the wife of the founder of Family Legacy.  Unbeknownst to me, she decided to "feature" Amber's girls on her facebook page to see if anyone was interested in sponsorship.

Susan sent me a message, asking for some specifics from Amber about a particular little girl.  Amber and I looked at each other with tears flowing down our face, excited about the possibilities.  Our jaws were dropped to the floor in awe. And God said, "Wipe that look off your face!  I am God  What do you expect?"

We checked Amber's sponsorship page, and within the hour, that one person who had inquired about one of Amber's girls felt led to sponsor not one but two of them.  Within just a few hours, all but one of Amber's girls were sponsored, each with an incredibly unique story of how God moved in the heart of the person to hand-select just the perfect match of a sponsor and child.  And God said, "Why do you sit there with such astonishment?  I am God!  Wipe that look off your face!"

Even after "Batgirl" Agness was sponsored, I still had 4 girls that remained unsponsored.  Truthfully, the older they get, the harder it is to find sponsors.  They aren't as "cute and adorable".  But I can tell you that I spent time with these older girls, and the real beauty is on the inside.  God allowed me to catch a glimpse through His eyes and see these girls as royalty - His princesses.  

I decided to check my sponsorship page pretty late in the evening, but something was different. Memory, the smallest of my girls was moved from the "Needing Sponsored" column to the "100% sponsored" section.  I did a double take to make sure I read that correctly, and indeed I had.  The name of her sponsor:  Sheri Reaves.

Let me tell you, the fact that this "Sheri Reaves" sponsored Memory is nothing short of a miracle, and I must tell her story.  Their story.  It is a God story.

Last week I was in Niagara Falls for a week of meetings with our operations/management team, including some of our international staff.  The President of our company sponsored a blanket for one of the girls from my group, and in return, I had promisted to bring him a picture of the girl with the blanket.  It was the first opportunity I've had to see him since I went to Zambia, so as soon as he was free, I went up to him and gave him the picture.  Of all people, the one girl randomly assigned to the money he donated for a blanket was Memory.  

Our speaker for the meetings was perhaps one of the best I've ever heard, and his name was (is) Chuck Reaves.  Well, Chuck made it clear throughout his presentations that he was a Christian.  There was no hiding it, and no reason to hide it.  He was transparent, and you could tell the hand of the Lord was on him, with incredible wisdom and power.  Chuck just "happened" to be standing right there when I handed Mike the picture.  Mike showed it to him with a big smile on his face, told him briefly about me going to Zambia, and that was that.

Or so I thought.

You see, God has a way of putting people together, and there are no accidents.  It turned out that Chuck had an interest in Zambia and in the past, he's been involved in putting wells there.  We chatted a little, then it was time for the meeting to start again.  That evening, our dinner consisted of a "progressive meal", rotating from restaurant to restaurant at the hotel, including rotating who we sat next to at each venue. And who would God put next to me during the appetizer?  Sheri Reaves, Chuck's wife.

We talked as if we were old friends.  Chuck had already told her that I had worked in Zambia, and she wanted to know all about what we did and the minsitry we worked with.  Of course, I was glad to share, too!  In fact, I'm sure I talked way too much!  Our conversation jumped from her church name (Twelve Stone) to my church name (Five Stone) to my cancer, Zambia, Tanzania, and everywhere in between. We covered the globe, really.  The appetizer was soon over, and it was time to rotate to another location, so Sheri gave me her email and asked that I email her information on the ministry in Zambia so she could learn more.

When I got home, I followed through, sent Sheri some links, and I really thought that would be the end of that.  

Until I saw the name of SHERI REAVES listed as Memory's sponsor.  

I emailed her immediately to thank her and give her more information and pictures of Memory, and what she replied to me was nothing short of a miracle.  

Why did she choose to sponsor Memory?  

Because MEMORY was her grandpa's name.  (TRUTH!  She said they called him "Mem" but his real name was Memory!)  When she saw "my" girl by the name of Memory, she knew God wanted Sheri to sponsor her!

And then God said, "If you don't wipe that look off your face, I'm going to wipe it off for you!"  

No seriously, why am I always so astounded when God does what He promises to do -- be 100% faithful?

I mean, is it by "chance" that there was a little big eyed girl by the name of Memory in my group this summer?  Is it by "chance" that my president was randomly assigned as the sponsor for Memory's blanket? Is it by "chance" that I would choose to give my president the picture in person instead of mailing it to him months ago?  Is it by "chance" that our speaker would be a Christian and would happen to have an interest in Zambia?  Is it by "chance" that I would sit next to his wife and that he would have already told her about me?  Is it by "chance" that Memory would be unsponsored?  Is it by "chance" that Sheri Reaves' grandfather's name was Memory?  

Even an atheist should know the answer to those questions. And when he answers them honestly and contemplates these said "chances", God will say to him as well, "Wipe that look from your face!"

I could share several more stories of God-ordained matches, but blogs are supposed to be 750-1000 words, and I'm pushing 2000 right now.  In case you haven't noticed, I've been working on keeping things more brief, but sometimes, God-stories are not to be told in an abbreviated way.  And this is the case today.  I want to share every detail so you can shake your head with me, eyes glazed over (hopefully in tears) and know God is faithful.  Always. In every detail.

So when you're weary; when you want to give up; when God shakes you in your Texan cowboy boots...
When you stand in awe and say, "I can't believe this!"  Just know, you can believe it.  So wipe the look of disbelief off your face.  Because He is God.  And you just never know what He might do when you take the Word of God literally.  Consecrate yourself, for tomorrow, the Lord will do amazing things."

And He did just that.

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

 

PS - As of right now, one of Amber's girls and 2 of my girls are still needing sponsorship.
The deadline is less than 3 hours away.  I am believing God will be God.  If nothing else, please pray for 6-year old Melody and 12-year old Jane and Stella, that God will provide for them!  Because, He can and will do amazing things!

Update -
Since the deadline is officially now past, there is a very outside chance that for the next few days, perhaps you can call the ministry and do a late registration for sponsorship. By the grace of God, Melody was sponsored just 25 minutes before midnight, and that leaves just Jane and Stella needing sponsorship!  Please pray for God to provide in His perfect way and perfect timing!

 

 

Airplane Repo and Auto Pilot...

 "This is what the Kingdom of God is like.  A man scatters seed on the ground.  Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how.  All by itself, the soil produces grain--first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head.  As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come."  Mark 4:26-29

One of my new favorite tv shows is called "Airplane Repo."  It's a reality tv show, and as the title reveals, it's all about these thrill-seeking guys who make a living re-possessing airplanes whose owners have defaulted on their payments.  They basically "steal" the airplane and then give it back to the financeer.  And to quote Kevin Lacey, one of the guys on the show, "99% of what I do is 100% legal."

The language can be strong, but the situations these guys put themselves into in order for the big pay-off is more than intense.  Once they think they've located the plane that they're looking for, they have to somehow sneak into the hanger where it's being stored.  (All with a camerman on their heels, mind you!)  Then they verify the serial number on the tail to make sure it's the plane their looking for, and fnally they have to locate the log books.  You see, without the log books, the plane's value reduces instantly in half.  Finally, they literally have minutes to perform a check on the airplane to see if its flight worthy - that's not much time to make sure everything works - and then they take off to return the plane to the bank or individual who hired them.

On one episode, after weeks of near misses, the "Airplane Repo" guys found and took possession of a $3 million dollar plane.  The payoff?  $300,000.00  The biggest payoff of their career.  The problem?  Once they got in the air, they realized that the radio controls didn't work.  There was no calling the tower. Auto-pilot wasn't even an option.  They had little fuel, and the pilot told them they literally had five minutes or less to figure out what to do because they were in a high air-traffic area in southern Florida. Within minutes, they would be in a head-on collission with another plane.  

What happened next?  You'll have to go to Discovery Channel and watch for yourself. 

Now, I don't know a lot about Auto-Pilot or how it works.  But I do know the concept.  It's for simple people like me.  Set something in motion, and if the parameters are set correcly, it will work like a charm.  Right?

I think that's why these verses intriguted me this morning.  So many times we preach against letting yourself go on "auto-pilot" as a Christian.  Why?  Because usually when we go on auto-pilot, it's by human design.  We do what we want, caring little for the things of the Lord and caring more about our #1 priority - the ever important ME.  Human auto-pilot always has the parameters not quite set appropriately.

Yet at first glance, these verses seem to give the opposite idea of the whole "auto-pilot" concept as a Christian.  Jesus shares the parable of "the good seed."  In it, the farmer scatters the seed, and it appears that seed does what it's intended to do, without ever being attended to.  It grows into full maturity, and the farmer doesn't know why, because he's never done a thing for the seed except to scatter it on the ground.  

I'll admit it - I'm a bit hard-headed.  (OK, maybe more than a bit.)  And I'm a simple thinker.  So when I read this the first time, it sure seemed to me like Jesus was saying that some seeds (baby Christians) grow in the Lord, just like they are supposed to - almost like they are on "auto-pilot."  And the end result?  They reach full maturity.  

Simple concept, right?  

No, not exactly.

Now, I've been a Christian a long time.  And that whole concept just doesn't jive.  Everything I've learned tells me that living the Christian life and growing in maturity takes discipline.  I have to work at it.  (Not to be confused with working FOR it!  My eternal destiny is settled, and it was settled at the point that I committed my life to Christ and put my faith and trust in Him!)  But the point is that I can't just go on auto-pilot and expect to eventually be a mature Christian.  

When something doesn't make sense to me, I don't just accept it at face-value and move on.  I need to understand.  And I just couldn't grasp this whole concept of how a seed, paralelled to a baby Christian, could sprout and grow and reach the point of maturity, all without the farmer even knowing how or why. I knew there was something I was missing.

So I read the passage again.  I re-read.  I read a third and fourth time.  Yes, I know, I'm hard-headed, I've admitted that already!  It wasn't until I sat and typed out each word of the parable that it hit me. The seed itself had nothing to do with the growth and maturity in the story.  The farmer had nothing to do with it.  What produced the crop?  It was the soil.  It was only when the seed was firmly established in the soil that the seed was nurtured to achieve its purpose.  

Read it again - A man scatters seed on the ground.  Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how.  All by itself, the soil produces grain--first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head.  As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.

The only thing the seed did was to stay planted in the soil, and the natural outcome was that the seed flourished and grew into its intended purpose.  And what is my soil?  It's Jesus Christ.  My job is to grow into the person that the Lord wants me to be by keeping myself firmly planted and established in Him. There is no auto-pilot in this formula.  In fact, if I don't have constant communication with the control tower, just like the Airplane Repo episode I mentioned earlier, I would crash and burn.

Aren't you thankful God redeems us?  Aren't you thankful He provides fertile soil for us to grow, and when we go on auto-pilot, he still possesses us and doesn't re-possess (give us back to the original owner)?  I know I sure am!  I'm also quite thankful for the flight plans and log book He gives me in His word.  

My challenge for today:  Guard against going on auto-pilot.  Be disciplined daily to keep nyself firmly planted in the fertile soil of Jesus.  Read my Log Book and Flight Plan daily.  Change the oil (confess!) Stay fueled up for the unknown trip ahead.  And just like the seed, grow into the person God created me to be.

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

 

 

The Choke Hold...

"The farmer sows the word.  Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown.
As soon as they hear it, satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.
Others, like seed sown n rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy.
Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life,
the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word,
making it unfruitful.  Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it,
and produce a crop --thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times what was sown."
Mark 4:14-20 

 

I'll admit it.  When I was a teenager, I was a "Big-Time Wrestling" fan.  I could cite stats on Hulk Hogan, Jake the Snake Roberts, Sergeant Slaughter, Andre the Giant (and a host of others) on demand and sometimes faster than Vince McMahon.  (Only a real fan knows that Hulk Hogan's real name is Terry Gene Bollea...and I knew that long before Al Gore invented the internet or reality TV arrived on the scene.) When I say I was a fan, I mean I was a die-hard fan.  I watched every match, hoping one of my favorite wrestlers would be up next.  

I went to some live matches, too.  I touched Hulk Hogan's shoulder once. He shook his sweat on me as he walked by.  I had Hulkamania posters on my wall; I had a Hulk Hogan "Stretch-Armstrong" doll. You get the idea?  I loved watching WWF wrestling.  No one could convince me it was fake.  Sure, I could see that might be a very slight outside possibility, but I wanted to believe it was real, and therefore, I did. 

Well, thankfully, I've matured a little, and that chapter of my life's obsession is now over.  But in those days, a common wrestling move was called "The Choke Hold."  Real fans also knew it as "The Sleeper." You can probably imagine what it looks like.  One wrestler wraps his arm around the other wrestler's throat until oxygen is seemingly cut off from the brain, causing them to pass out.  (Or at least appear as such.)  

As I read this passage in Mark this morning, I couldn't help but think of "The Choke Hold".  

How many times are we challenged (convicted) by something in the sermon on Sunday, but by Monday, we can't even remember what the sermon was about?  Why is that?  It's because satan's ultimate goal is to put that "choke hold" on Christians.  He can't win the match, and he knows that, but he wants to put the moves on us to make us immobile for the cause of Christ, so he uses the distractions of life to do just that.  

Take a look at verses 18-19:  "...still others hear the word, but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful."

Now, as you probably know, I have a brown thumb.  I have but one plant, and it's one that I'm told you just can't kill.  It was given to me by my boss when I was in the hospital with my 2nd cancer surgery, and it's very special to me.  But aside from that one amazingly still green and growing item in my home, no other plant exists.  My sweet neighbor keeps telling me in her adorable Indian accent, "Beth.  I will teach you."  I just giggle at her and shake my head.  You see, Ankita can try to teach me all she wants, but a horticulturist I will never be.  

A sports fan, though, yes!  That is me.  And sports analogies just work better with my tom-boy, 3-brother/no sister brain.  So when I read this passage, I don't think about the farmer and the seed; I think about a sports event - and in this case - a wrestling ring.  (I don't know why they call it a ring, anyway.  It's very clearly a square, don't you think?)

We are truly in a wrestling match with satan. His one and only goal is to put us out of commission, to put the "choke hold" on us.  The sleeper.  After all, what good are we for Christ when we are just doing nothing?  What good are we when we're distracted by the worries of life and things of the world?  Absolutely no good.  And satan knows it.

But as I thought this through and contemplated the whole scenario and satan's evil tactics, I remembered scenes from yesteryear.  Perhaps you've seen the images as well.  Do you ever remember watching one of those WWF matches and seeing one of the underdog wrestlers just about get beat to a pulp when out of nowhere comes another wrestler to his rescue?  Usually it's one of the really popular ones who has come to stop the slaughter - to be the savior of the day.  Well isn't that what God will do for us?  But the truth is, our tag-team partner Jesus Christ is right there the whole time.  He doesn't have to make an illegal move onto the mat to come to our rescue.  All we have to do is call on Him for help!  At the mention of His name the demons tremble, and the choke-hold is released.

I often wonder how many times I put the choke-hold on myself.  I allow fear to immobilze me from taking a step of faith.  Sure, satan is right there whispering in my ear telling me I'm not good enough, telling me I'm a nobody, telling me to not try because it's a worthless cause.  And it's at that point that I have to realize who is speaking more strongly in my ear.  Satan or Jesus Christ.  Who will I listen to?  Who is King?  And who is the all-time, undisputed, undefeated, reigning champion?  Is it a belly-wallowing serpant?  Or is it the King of Kings who defeated the grave and sin? 

And just like the wrestler, down on two knees, almost ready to concede finds the strength to stand, to defeat the opponent, and to claim the victory in Jesus Name...
Not by might, not by power, but by His spirit, Victory is gained and the choke-hold is broken.

Until the next match.

Be sober, be vigilent, he is walking around looking for people to devour.

 

 --- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com