GodandMe2theMax

Is there a pickle on your plate?

Proverbs 14:29  "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly."

As part of my job when I worked in Ohio, I used to teach customer service skills.  There's something we taught called a "hook."   A "hook" is something that invites you into unproductive behavior.  Simply put, it's the breaking point that makes you lose your temper.  I have a few hooks that I know of.  Do you know yours?  Knowing and identifying your own hooks is sometimes half the anger battle.  Once you know what makes you angry, it's a lot easier to give it over to the Lord. 

Many of you know about my son Jacob and some of his struggles and special needs.  Jacob has Asperger's Syndrome and severe ADHD, but about five years ago, we found out that he had a lot of bio-chemical issues as well.  Some of these bio-chemical problems manifested themself as bi-polar symptoms, and for years, Jacob experienced uncontrollable rage.  Jacob will turn twelve in a few days, and he has a sensitive heart for the Lord now.  He has given me permission to share his story with the Groupies4God and on my blog, specifically a story about one of Jacob's hooks.

Let me give you a little history.  By the time Jacob was about three or four, we knew we had a strong-willed child on our hands.  Both my husband and I worked full time, so we had to rely on pre-schools and day cares for our child care.  For a while, we had a great friend in our church care for our kids, but we ended up needing to move to the daycare route.  It didn't take long for us to be on speed dial with the daycare; in actuality, they had us on speed dial.  I can remember day after day seeing the phone ring with the caller ID identifying the caller as the daycare.  My heart would drop each time.  Not again!  What did he do now?  The truth is that by the time Jacob turned five, he was kicked out of every day care in our city and a few in the surrounding cities.  One of those was after a few short hours!

You see, Jacob had a real problem with anger.  It was as if something wouldn't settle with him, a swtich would be flipped, and a boy I didn't know would emerge. There was no rhyme or reason to his rage, and as a result, he was given a bi-polar diagnosis, at a much too early age.

A daily phone call was expected from the day care, and at least three times a week, things would get so bad that we would have to pick him up.  My husband and I took turns leaving work early to deal with the problems, and this time it was his turn.  "Come pick Jacob up, please, asap."  No explanation given; none requested.  We knew the drill.  I could tell the infraction was pretty severe, based on the curtness of the call I received.  When my husband Frank arrived to pick Jacob up, he got the whole story. 

The daycare was one of those that served also as a pre-school.  They served lunch to a the kids on one of those expandable lunch tables with the seats attached.  All of the children were seated at the table, food on the trays, and getting ready to eat.  The teacher then put Jacob's tray in front of him.  It consisted of a burger, a side item, and one infamous pickle.  You see, when Jacob was served his tray, that switch in his brain flipped.  He promptly got up on top of the table, ran up and down the table-top, kicking every child's food on the floor and all over the rest of the kids.  By the time the teacher caught him, it was too late.  The damage was done, with lunch for the entire class ruined. 

My husband got Jacob in the car, and started to talk to him.  I'm so thankful for a mild-mannered husband who almost never loses his temper.  The Lord knew I needed him, and the Lord knew Jacob needed a daddy who didn't lose his temper; one who always showed unconditional love.  If I had been the one to pick Jacob up that day, well, I don't know how I would have reacted, but I know it would not have been in a Godly way!  "Son, what were you thinking?"  Frank asked.  Jacob's response, "They put a pickle on my plate, and you know I don't like pickles!" 

A pickle.  That's all it took.  It was the pickle that has everlasting meaning in our home.  These days, we often joke around with Jacob and ask him if he wants a pickle with his food.  He isn't the best with kidding around, but he knows we ask that question in jest.  His answer always remains the same: a firm "No!"

When Jacob was in first grade, he was kicked out of public elementary school and put in what is called the BAU - Behavior Adjustment Unit.  That's where they put the 12 worst kids in the district.  You see, they tried to work with us, they really did.  In first grade, Jacob went through about six teachers, including two "Teachers of the Year", one of which was the Special Ed "Teacher of the Year" for the district.  But the day Jacob sent one of them  to the hospital was probably the breaking point. 

Shortly after Jacob was put in the BAU, we found a non profit clinic outside of Chicago, IL, called the Pfeiffer Treatment Center.  Jacob had been to neurologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, pediatricians, and any other kind of doctor that we thought would help.  But the Pfeiffer Treatment Center did bio-chemical testing that none of these other doctors had ever attempted.  They found that Jacob was actually not bi-polar, although he had many of the symptoms.  No, in actuality, he had an overgrowth of yeast in his system that was literally taking over his whole body.  Within a few days of being on the medicine, Jacob's rage was nearly gone.  The BAU teacher (who was initially skeptical of the findings) called us up and asked what changes we had made.  She could not believe her eyes.  The boy who just days before had caused an evacuation of the entire BAU was now the star student.  We believe God directed us to PTC to save Jacob's life.  No, not save it spiritually, but physically.  Today, Jacob is in the 6th grade, and in the Gifted and Talented program and doing awesome!

Hooks.  Jacob's hook at the daycare that day was a pickle.  I think I've mentioned previously that I used to have a terrible temper.  It's amazing how when you commit something to the Lord, He can miraculously take away the sin.  But just like the verse from  last week, it's important to continue to identify and do a self examination of sin in your life.  You see, I've found that when I let my guard down, my hooks return, and with a vengeance.  I don't try to lose my temper, no one does.  

Back to the verse.   "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly."

When things don't go as planned, when my hooks manifest themselves, am I patient?  Or like the pickle on the plate, do I respond with a quick temper, resulting in folly?

Take some time to identify what your hooks are.  Now think about how you can respond to those times with patience instead of being quick to become angry.  The verse this week is a good reminder to me on how to react when "there's a pickle on my plate."

 

PS - If you want more information on the Pfeiffer Treatment Center, click on the link on the left of my blog entitled "Jacob's Journey."

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

 

Spiritual Rock Climbing

OK, I'm not the most fit person in the world.  No big surprise there, right?  But a few years ago on an Alaskan cruise, our family decided to do one of those big rock walls that the ship offered to its guests.  My first problem with that scenario is knowing what I looked like from behind in that harness.  Alas, we were the only ones in line with no onlookers, so I decided to get strapped in and try it out.  As quickly as I started my climb, people started to gather.  Panic also started to overcome me.  Now please understand, I wasn't afraid of the heights or even fatigued at the point I quit.  It was simply the knowledge of all those people staring up at my lower extremities and watching my every move.  It was one of those times I would have given my left hand to erase mental images.  In the end, I decided the fear of what they were thinking was more important to me than the thrill of reaching the top.  Now, I'm not sure I could have reached the top, but my paranoia definitely took control, leaving me to always wonder.

In many respects, indoor rock climbing like what I've described is like our Christian walk.  Sometimes scaling the spiritual mountain isn't easy.  In fact, if we're doing things the way God says, it shouldn't be.  (All those who live Godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.  2 Timothy 3:12)  Onlookers are always watching us to see if we mess up and fail.  Success in rock climbing is found in the footing, and some of us, namely me, can be a bit clumsy at times and have very big feet.  Size ten to be exact.  But truly the size of your foot doesn't matter.  All it takes is to have the tip of your toe on the ledge to start making progress.  Just like I was strapped into a safety harness on the cruise, because I've had a point in my life where I've given God control, asked Him to come into my life, forgive me of my sins and save me, I also have a spiritual harness.  If I slip in this rock wall of life, He's got my back.

The thing is, that those tiny ledges we use to continue our upward climb can also be used by satan.  This morning I was reading in Ephesians 4:27.  It says, "and do not give the devil a foothold."  As I was reading that passage, I just stopped and started to contemplate the big picture, especially in relation to rock climbing.  You see, just like I mentioned in yesterday's blog, satan is out there on the attack.  He's climbing that wall with us, trying to make us give up.  He's got a foot on the ledge just like us, but the cool thing is that he's not wearing a safety harness.

As Christians, we have to be so aware of satan's attacks in our life.  He is subtle, and he is sneaky.  When we're not even looking, he'll reach out and grab our leg to try to pull us down.  Just like me in our family vacation, he can use fear to play on our emotions.  He is out there throwing self doubt our way, telling us we're not good enough, making us wonder if reaching the summit is even worth it.  He can use anger, bitterness, the internet, our children, and yes, even our Christian friends and family to pull us down from the mountain, too.  It could be little things like our favorite television show.  It's just a show, right?  Entertainment - what's the big deal?  Yep.  Satan just inched his way up another notch in trying to make us slip.  What's a little cuss word when we're mad or something goes wrong?  Isn't that just a little ridiculous to think cussing here and there is wrong?  Not according to I Peter 1:13-16  "...prepare your minds for action; be self controlled...do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance, but just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written, 'Be holy because I am holy.'"

Maybe you've started the climb.  You've not actually given up, but you're too defeated to keep scaling.  Maybe you've lost your energy to keep going up.  You've not given up on God, you still believe, but you just don't know how to start climbing again.  Let me tell you about a great tool developed by Maxpoint.  It's a systematic approach to growing your faith in Christ, and it will help jump start your energy to keep climbing.  You can find it at www.24-7Discipleship.com.  It's free for individuals, and I guarantee it will help you get focused and ready to start scaling the wall again.

The really cool thing about this rock climbing is that safety harness I mentioned.  You see, on my cruise, I could make a split decision and give up.  But the Bible says that if we've entered this Christian rock climb, giving up is not an option.  John 10:28 says "No one will snatch us out of God's hand."  His harness is made with super glue.  We may let satan low down our growth progress, we may stop making upward progress, but once we've made a commitment to enter a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, it's a done deal.  Signed, sealed...and ultimately delivered. 

If you see a friend struggling, reach down and give them a hand.  Encourage them to keep going.  If you see a friend slip and fall, don't just leave them lower down the wall to fend for themselves.  Let's build up our Spiritual strength and climb this wall...one ledge at a time...together! 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

In the fire...

Daniel chapter three brings me to the old Sunday School classic of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego being thrown into the fiery furnace for not bowing down to the king's idol on command.  I'm reminded this morning that even though it's a common story, it's easy to forget the details.  I love how God's Word comes alive if we just spend some time looking and meditating!

As I read verse one this morning, I just shook my head.  Neb just witnessed the power of God revealed through Daniel in chapter two and what does he do?  He builds a huge image of gold for him and the people to worship.  At this point, he just didn't get it.  Really, Neb?  Really?  Daniel gives credit to God Almighty for revealing the dream to you and your next step is to command all the people to worship an idol or be killed?  Neb seemed to me to be a hot tempered, thick headed man with apparent short term memory loss! 

How often are we just like Neb?  God does an amazing thing in our life, and we turn around and deny him.  We forget his power, and we do as we want.  It always seems to me that it's harder to have a deep walk with the Lord when things are going good in your life vs when trials or tragedy is present.  Some people may think the opposite.  But the bottom line is that our walk with the Lord should be consistent.  We shouldn't have short term memory loss of how He's worked!

I love the resolve of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego when they hear of the king's decree and the pending doom of the blazing furnace.  "...the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (verses 17-18)

You see, they had faith.  They knew God could rescue them, but even if that was not God's plan, they had resolve to not bend their convictions.  That's faith in action.  Christians all over Asia and other parts of the world put this same faith in action.  They know that can be executed for their belief in God, but the fear of death doesn't stop them.  I want resolve like these three.  I want to be able to firmly say with conviction that my God can rescue me, but if he doesn't, I'm not bending my convictions.  I will stand firm for Christ, even if it means my life is in danger. 

I think our character can be judged in part by who we hang out with.  Although Daniel wasn't one of the three that were thrown into the furnace, it's apparent his three friends had just as much faith and character as he did.  They knew Who the believed in and didn't care who found out about it.  Oh that my faith would be as strong as these guys!  

What do you think happened when Neb finally released them from the furnace?  Can you imagine how much their faith increased through that experience?  Sometimes we have to go through the fire to increase our faith, too.  Maybe it's financial problems, a lost job, health issues...  But whatever the fire is, God brings it for a purpose.  I had a friend in high school who sang this song once.  I think I've listed the words before in this blog, but it's worth noting again.  It's actually one of my favorite songs to hum when I am going through tough times.  The melody is simple and beautiful, but the words ring true in my heart.

The FIre

I've been through the fire that has deepened my desire
To know the living God more and more.
It hasn't been much fun, but the work that it has done
Has really made it worth the hurt.
You see, sometimes we need the hard times
To bring us to our knees
Otherwise, we do as we please
And never heed Him
But He always knows what's best
And it's when we are distressed
That we really come to know God as He is.

Now, good old Neb didn't really put his faith in trust in the Lord after seeing this awesome display of God's power.  But he did actually at least acknowledge God!  Neb says in verse 28, "Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants!  They trusted in him and defied the king's command and were willing to give up their lives rather than server or worship any god except their own God."  He went on to decree that anyone who speaks against their God will...yep, you guessed it...be cut into pieces and their houses turned into piles of rubble.  (The exact same threat he made to the magicians and sorcerers for not being able to tell them and interpret his dream!) 

Will Neb ever learn?  Will we ever learn?  Will I ever learn?  Lord, don't let me have short-term memory loss like King Neb.  If it means I have to go through the fire to increase my faith, that's what I want, Lord.  Deepen my desire to know You as You are.

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Monday Memory Verse - Proverbs 12:15-16 - Don't be a fool, listen up!

Proverbs 12:15-16  "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.  A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult."

Have you ever had a time when a friend, someone you really respected, tried to tell you something negative about yourself?  What was your reaction?  I can remember a time in college when one of my closest friends confronted me and told me that I was a very self-focused person.  My first reaction was to deny that to be true.  But as he continued to tell me 'why' he thought that way, I began to realize he was right.  I listened as history played itself in my mind of how I had not put others and their feelings first.  I tried to suck it up and listen to what he had to say so that I could make changes.  It hurt.  No one likes to hear negative things about themselves, especially from a good friend.  But I can tell you that because that friend had the courage to 'call it like it was,' I am a different person today.

Sometimes our habits or lives are headed down a path that is foolish.  Sometimes we are so single focused that we plow everyone else over on the road to meet our goals.  Sometimes we have the need to be 'right' or are so self-sufficient that we can't accept words of wisdom from others.  It could be advice about our parenting skills, maybe it's about lifestyle choices, or what hurts the most is when someone questions our character in a particular situation.  It really doesn't matter...whatever it is, it's not pleasant.

This verse is a good reminder to lay down our feelings and just listen to advice.  Not every word that people offer should be taken, of course.  We need to pray for discernment to know if the advice we've been given is good and Godly.  Analyze if there's any truth in what you've heard.  Pray for wisdom.  Be wise, and ask God what He wants you to see in the situation.  Try to step away from the emotions and use the reasoning side of your brain.  Ask God if you need to make changes, even if it hurts. 

Verse 16 talks about what our response should be in times when we are insulted.  The natural response is to be angry.  No one likes to be insulted or hear slanderous things about themselves.  The knee-jerk reaction is to retaliate.  But Proverbs 15:1 says "a gentle answer turns away wrath."  And last week's verse, Colossians 4:6 says to "let our conversation be always full of grace..."  Whatever the situation, we need to be sure to guard our testimony.  People everywhere are watching our reaction to situations to see if we act in a Godly way.  We need to ask God to help us pass the test.

Let's put this week's verses into action -- don't be a fool, listen up!

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Free to forgive...

I think it's safe to say that we are who we are today, in part, because of our past.  Now, I'm not saying we are slaves to our past, but what happened to us throughout our lives has shaped us into the person we are today.  The decisions we make today are either because we've not broken free from our past or we make decisions to be the kind of person we are today because we don't want to be like we were in the past. 

I was challenged this morning in my quiet time to dialog with God.  Not just pray, but listen to what He has to say about my past, especially in the area of forgiveness.  Now, I am a confrontational person; I like to think it's a strength of mine.  I can't stand for conflict to take root in my life and not be resolved.  But this morning I asked God to show me if I needed to forgive anyone in my life, and if I needed to ask forgiveness of anyone.  I asked God to dig deep into what I've buried, deeper than I wanted to go.  Deeper than I've allowed my thoughts to visit in a long time.

God showed me a situation that happened long ago, and He convicted me that I have let it shape who I am today.  At this point, I can't go confront the person, he is no longer alive.  But, I can choose to forgive.  I can choose to no longer be gripped by the pain of the past.  I can choose to allow Christ to heal the scars in my life, and like a Potter, mold me into the creation He wants me to be.  (Isaiah 64:8)  I made the choice.

It doesn't matter how badly a person has hurt you.  When Jesus died on the cross, what were some of His last words? "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."  When people hurt us, sometimes they have no idea how deep the wounds go.  Yet, Christ, in all His glory, came to earth and suffered a terrible death for you and me so we could have forgiveness.  Those wounds went pretty deep, wouldn't you say?  He still has the scars in his hands to prove it.  With that perspective, I'm convicted that there's nothing so bad in my past that I can't forgive the offender.  Jesus died for that person, too.

The Bible says to 'put off' bitterness.  It says in Matthew 6:12 that we should ask God to forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.  Remember the parable in the Bible of the master who forgave the debts of his servant?  What did that servant do?  Instead of going to the people who owed him money and forgiving their debts, he went and tried to collect.  When we harbor bitterness, it's just like holding on to the debts that people owe us. 

God is telling me today that I have to make the choice to forgive, once and for all.  I can't do it without His help.  It's painful...to let go of those angry feelings, especially when I've held on to them for so long.  I'm still going to have the scars from the past, but it's only when I let go of the bitterness that God can move in and heal.  This morning, I've made the decision.  It's a done deal, and I'm not looking back. 

I am free to forgive!

I love this song by the Newsboys...I Am Free!

Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You all hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams, I am free!

I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for you
(I am free to live for you)
I am free
(I am free)

Chorus:
I am free
I am free
I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for you
(I am free to live for you
I am free
(I am free)
Yes I am free

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Monday Memory Verse, Ecclesiastes 7:9

Monday sure seems to come quicker than any other day.  In some respect, I wish it didn't.  In others, it means I made it through another week, and that's always a good thing!

Last week, the Lord really impressed upon my heart that I need to be actively learning His Word.  I have been relying on the verses that I memorized growing up, but I need to "store up His commands within me."  When you 'store something up' you eventually run out, right?  When there's a threat of a bad storm here in Texas, it seems the grocery stores are raided with people "storing up" milk and bread.  But, eventually, what you've stored up runs out.  When that happens, you're left empty.  I was challenged with the fact that 'to store something up' is an active task, and I need to 'keep storing' so that I don't become spiritually empty.

Last week, I memorized:  Proverbs 1:33.  Whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.

This week's verse: Ecclesiastes 7:9  Don't be hasty in your spirit to be angry. for anger rests in the lap of fools.

I picked this verse because God has been showing me that I have a private anger problem.  No, I'm not a violent person who has the potential for mass murder.  In public, with my friends, and on my job, I somehow have the ability to stay calm and patient in distressng times without 'blowing up' at someone.  But at home, I want things now.  I want my kids to listen to me...now.  I want my husband to do something for me..now.   Sometimes the stress of work is carried over in my home, and I snap at the kids.  I over-react at the slightest thing.  I just lose it, to be honest.  This is something I'm asking God to correct in my life, and the first step is confronting the truth.  I have to be honest with myself, my friends, and most importantly, my God.

Look what the verse says: anger rests in the lap of fools.  Ouch!  To be called a 'fool' is a slap in the face!  I work hard to be 'an example of the believer' and that's the Beth that most people see.  But the Beth that appears at home sometimes is a much different person.  I don't want my husband and children to have any memory of their wife/mom as a 'fool' because of my temper.  We are all born with a sin nature and have a 'leniency' toward different sins, and this is one God has dealt with me about on and off my whole married life. 

God is a jealous God.  He wants all of me, even the parts of me that my friends don't see.  Especially the parts of me that my friends don't see and only my family does.  Will you pray Ecclesiastes 7:9 for me this week?  That I will not be hasty to be angry and that I will not be a fool in God's eyes?

I still have the offer out there...is anyone interested in being in an accountability group, to meet with me on a weekly basis, and learn God's word together.  I will find the time.  Let me know!  You know where to find me...

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com