“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." Matthew 5:13
Having 2 teenagers, I tend to learn a few old words that have taken on new meaning. In fact, I even throw them into conversation from time to time to help me feel ‘hip and cool’ among today’s generation. (Word to the wise – it doesn’t really work…) Anyway, one such term is “salty.”
salty adjective
The internal attitude that develops when you find yourself a victim of unfair circumstance and feel like you were given the short end of the stick.
Maybe you don’t get bitter; maybe you’re even able to work through the situation emotionally, but the moment the subject is brought up again, you’re right there on the salty bandwagon again. Even discussing the situation stings...like salt in a wound. When that happens, you’re described as being really salty.
Then there’s the other salty that we are all familiar with - as in salty food.
salty adjective
Tasting of or containing salt; saline
Have you ever met someone who automatically adds salt or pepper to their food before they even taste it? Maybe you're one of those people. It's a given, the words “pass the salt” come from their mouth just after hearing the “amen” in the prayer…or maybe even before.
Well, let’s just say that I tend to be both extremes with these two salty descriptions. I don’t really get bitter when I’m dealt a hand in life that I think is unfair, but sometimes, no matter how much I try or pray for God to help me, I do get a bit salty about the situation. Just when I think I’m emotionally healed, something happens, and the thick scab is ripped open with salt being poured into it. Ouch! It’s not a good feeling, to say the least.
On the other hand, when it comes to food, I am not one of those salty people. In fact, although we do own a salt shaker, it usually stays up in the cupboard with the spices, only making an occasional appearance at the dinner table when we have company in need of some extra flavor. I don’t know if that means I have a bland palate, am a content person, or if I just love to eat so much that I don’t appreciate good flavor. I’ll let you make your own deductions.
Well, if you follow my blog at all, you’ll notice a huge void over the last year. Massive time seems to span between posts. I’ve never really been one to not have something to say. Ever. But over the last year, that is not the case at all. I have countless blogs started, only to delete them and never complete them. I had a lot of half-thoughts, but not too many complete God-thoughts that I felt compelled to share. Why? At times that has been my eternal question to God. Why do I feel so useless? Why can’t I even seem to write a paragraph about what You’re teaching me? Why does this hurt so bad? As I tried to find answers, the repeated answer I received was that God wanted me to pretty much shut my mouth for a period of time. When I stop blabbering, then I am a better listener for His still, small voice.
Thankfully, I’ve never had to endure a hurricane, but I do know that when a hurricane is about to hit, you really have only two choices:
1) Run for safe cover with your valuables and family
2) Hunker down and endure the storm
Let’s be honest. Hunkering down is not easy. I would much rather choose the option behind door #1. But over the last year, that’s not what God told me to do.
He said, “Stay put and endure the storm.”
He said, “I am your shelter.”
He said, “I am your provider.”
He said, “I am the only friend you need.”
He said, “I am all you need.”
He said, “It’s not going to be easy. People will fail you, but I never will.”
He said, “Trust me. I know what is best.”
So imagine me, huddled up in a ball, protecting my heart, trying not to be hurt by the storms of life, all while waiting on God to show me the next move. Every so often I would peak out the cracked window hoping to see a shimmer of light, only to realize the waves are crashing in again and it’s not safe to come out.
I don’t know how better to describe it. In truth, if you don’t have a relationship with the Lord, you may dismiss what I’m describing as just going through “a funk.” But for me, it’s truly been a year (plus) long massive hurricane of emotions. It’s been a period of God silencing me so He can work on the deepest part of me.
You may not understand what I’m trying to say. You see, some people are artists. They express themselves through painting, and it’s what they have to do. Some people feel that way about cooking. I wish I felt that way about cleaning (others in my family may wish that, too), but I don’t. However, I’ve always felt that one of my biggest ministries over the last few years has been through this blog. When it comes to sitting down and stringing together random thoughts and simple applications that help point people to a relationship with Jesus, well, that’s my happy place. And when there are long intervals between spending quality time in your happy place, even if God tells you to hunker down, it’s a tough place to be emotionally. It’s like an insatiable craving for something you can’t have, even though that object of your craving is right in front of you.
On Sunday evening, the weariness of hunkering down all these months had just about gotten me. I felt so empty inside. Frank and I talked through the whole gamut of emotions I was feeling, then we did the only thing we knew to do – pray. After we finished praying together, I silently cried myself to sleep begging God over and over to start using me again, to bring back joy, and to not put me on a shelf to collect dust. (Side note – Philippians 1:6 “I am confident of this that He who started a work in you will complete it!” I was just too weary to remember this promise when I cried myself to sleep in prayer!)
It’s amazing how a good night’s sleep and some sweet Holy Spirit peace can change your perspective. Monday morning I began my normal routine and started to have my quiet time, and as I read, my heart started to go to its happy place. The more I read, the more He showed me, and the more excited I became. With a glance out the window, the sun was shining, and this time I didn’t sense any big waves right behind it. The next morning, my experience was similar, except the excitement and burning in me was a little hotter, deeper. I finally felt as though God was gently blowing the dust off me, promising me He wasn’t done with me yet.
This week I had started reading in the book of Matthew. I have two pages of observations and applications of what God was showing me in just the first four chapters, and then I got to chapter five.
Matthew 5:13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Did you catch that? “If the salt loses its saltiness, it is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out.”
Good for nothing. Thrown out. Isn’t that the same thing as God putting me on a shelf? My biggest prayer and concern was addressed right before my eyes. But as I read it repeatedly, I noticed the conditional statement. It says IF the salt loses its saltiness THEN it is no longer good for anything.
I read the verse again. Multiple times. And as I did, I prayed over it, asking God to show me the truths He wanted me to see. What He showed me was that I had allowed myself to become a salty person. And when I’m even a little salty about things, it prevents me from effectively being the salt of the earth. In essence, the more salty I am, the more I lose my spiritual saltiness and the more useless I become.
When God would allow one of those salt-water hurricane sized waves to encompass me, it would rip open scabs that I thought had already healed. Then the cyclical burning of the salt in my wounds would start all over again. The end result was little by little, I was becoming a salty person.
But as I read this passage, I realized God wasn’t bringing the waves to make me feel the pain again. He was allowing them to engulf me so that He could heal the deepest part of me. Can I say this big revelation from God has brought about 100% healing at the time of writing this blog? No, of course not. But I do believe that just being conscious of what He’s trying to teach me has helped me discern His will better. It’s given me renewed joy, and it’s definitely allowed me to have peace about the situations in my life that He has allowed.
I don’t know if what I’ve written resonates with anyone else but me, but it really doesn’t matter, actually. What matters to me is that I am confidently reassured that God is not done with me. He will complete His work in me. Have I arrived? Of course not. He has so much more work to do on this self-imposed salty girl. But as I daily take up my cross and drop my will for His, as I allow Him to wash and clean my deeply set wounds, He will continue to infuse that spiritual salt in me. He will transform me into the kind of salty girl He wants to use.
---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com