Proverbs 27:6 "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."
Growing up the baby with three older brothers, let me just say that I am a tad bit competitive. No big surprise for anyone who knows me, really. I've always been like that, even if it meant a little bending of the rules to come out on top. In my circles of friends these days, I'm the subject of many jokes during any type of game or competition. Everyone knows I like to win, and it was no different back when my husband was a pastor in Ohio. Except back then, I didn't quite have a rein on my competitiveness.
You see, one weekend, we had a church-wide scavenger hunt. We broke into teams. Mine included my brother Bruce and his wife Anita, who had been visiting the church for several weeks. We got our lists, and my competitiveness kicked in. I started devising a way to win, and it started by going straight to the church kitchen. (What? The rules didn't explicitly say you had to go door-to-door to get the items!) So being the loop-hole finder that I was, I saw nothing wrong with starting the scavenger hunt on the church premises...after they said the word "go" of course...I wouldn't want to be accused of cheating or anything. I actually have no memory if my team won or not, but I very clearly recall a conversation that followed a few days later.
The subject came up when I asked Anita when they were finally going to join the church. Anita, being the diplomat and non confrontational person that she is, had a really strange look on her face. But, she wouldn't actually give me a straight answer. It took a while, but I dragged it out of her. Anita finally told me that she was offended by my aggressiveness and cheating at the scavenger hunt. (Cheating? It hadn't ever occurred to me that I was cheating...I was just being resourceful and trying to win!) She then went on to say that they really weren't sure they were going to join the church, because I was the pastor's wife, and if acted like that...well... You can probably fill in the blanks.
At that point, I had a choice to make. I could become indignant and argue that what I had done was not cheating. Or I could listen to the Holy Spirit who used Anita in my life to confront my competitive spirit. I listened to the Holy Spirit, and I listened to Anita. I asked her to forgive me, and I told her that she was right. I asked the Lord to forgive me, too. And at that point, I committed to not cheat in games anymore. And truly, to my knowledge, I haven't. Mind you, I'm still quite competitive; that hasn't changed. The difference is that I may want to win, but I don't have to win.
Back to the verse to memorize for this week. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted..."
To hear Anita call me a cheater, even if it was the truth, hurt. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I was caught, and it didn't feel so great. It was a wound, an open one at that. But by Anita pouring truth into my life that day, I was able to confront sin, and God was able to bring about change.
Sometimes we have to speak truth into our friends lives, truth that is neither easy or pleasant. Truth that might just cause a wound. Sometimes like me, we are the recipient of a friend's painful words. Words shared because they love us so much they don't want us to continue down the wrong path. Those times are never easy, whether we are the giver or the recipient of the wound. But the Bible says that wounds of a friend can be trusted. Like Anita, your friend may have your best interest at heart. Sometimes we have to hear painful things about ourselves for our own good.
The second half of the verse says "...but an enemy multiplies kisses." On the flip side, our enemies may say really sweet things to us, but offer no real help. A kiss is sweet, right? Even multiple ones. But a kiss from our enemy? It would mean nothing; in fact, it would be a complete turn off, knowing it wouldn't be genuine. We need to have Godly friends in our lives, and if advice is coming from people who are not Godly, well, they could actually be our enemy.
As I learn this verse this week, I'm going to be asking the Lord to keep my defenses down. Sometimes it's easy to dismiss truth from friends because I simply don't want to hear it. In fact, usually if it's negative and about me, I want no part of it. But God often uses friends in my life to bring about the change He wants. I want to be honest with my friends, and I want my friends to be honest with me. The truth hurts sometimes, but in the end, it's best.
---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com