GodandMe2theMax

You Wanna Trade?

"You wanna trade?"

How many times do you remember looking at your friend's chips or better yet Swiss Cake Roll over the lunch table compared to the piece of fruit your mom sent you with? How many times did you say those exact words to your friend, knowing what they had was definitely more compatible with your longings? I can remember a lot of times, and if you grew up sitting around the lunch table with friends, you probably can, too. Sometimes we had to be quite covert to get the job done, because I can remember that we had "No Trading" rules, even in elementary school...and that was a very long time ago!

So I've had a rough couple days emotionally. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say that I felt like some of my dreams came crashing in, never to be restored. I've poured buckets of tears, and I'm not usually a big cry-baby like that. Pretty much, things weren't going like I wanted them to, so I decided to have a big pity party for myself. Of course, in the moment, I didn't realize that's what I was doing, but in reality, it was exactly that.

When I woke up this morning, the Lord reminded me of Nehemiah 8:10. The end of the verse says, "The joy of the Lord is your strength." Then I started humming the words to the song, I'm Trading My Sorrows. If you don't know it, it goes something like this...

I'm trading my sorrows. I'm trading my shame. I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord.
I'm trading my sickness. I'm trading my pain. I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord.
Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, Lord, YES! Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, Lord, YES!
Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, Lord, YES, AMEN!
I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.
I am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure
And His joy's gonna be my strength.
Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes with the morning...

I started to think about that song as I hummed it, and I realized, yes, God may give His joy in the morning, but I have to choose to trade what I've got for His joy. I've got to make a conscious effort to glance over at what God has and ask Him to trade with me.

Remember that feeling when you asked your friend if they wanted to trade something in your lunch, and they said, "No way, that's my favorite!" Yeah, I remember it. What a let-down after my salivary glands had already started to water, thinking about how good that swiss cake roll my friend had was gonna taste in comparison to my orange. But the cool thing about God is that He never does that. He will gladly take our bad life's fruit, our tears, sorrows and pain. He will take whatever nasty things we have to offer and replace them with joy. I've just gotta ask and actually make the trade.

So this morning, I can say that joy came in the morning. No, things haven't necessarily changed in my situation, but I have changed. My perspective has changed. I've traded a few things for joy.

When's the last time you asked God "Do You wanna trade?" Think about it. I know He'll selflessly trade joy for all of your life's bad fruit. "Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning. Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, Lord, YES! AMEN!"

 

--- Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

 

 

 

 

"My ways are not your ways."

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

This is the verse God has had me chewing on the last 24 hours. Maybe a better description is that it's been gnawing at me rather than me chewing on it.

You see, since Wednesday, I've been with my daughter's high school debate team at their national qualifier tournament. By far, it's been the most discouraging competition that I've ever attended as a parent. Our debate team was expected to do very well. The coach told me he's usually nervous going into this tournament, but this year he felt they were more prepared than ever. However, one by one, the leading debaters and orators from our school were dropping like flies, with quite questionable judging. I listened as the students told me about the repeated unfairness in their rounds. Controversy abounded, including in my daughter Amber's event of Original Oratory (OO). I shook my head as she was eliminated from the competition just before the final round.

Amber's speech surrounds the medical journey we've encountered with my son Jacob. It's personal and powerful, and she delivers it incredibly well. In fact, she delivered it perfectly in every round throughout the competition, yet she was still eliminated, in spite of others who advanced while forgetting their lines. A travesty? If you witnessed what I witnessed, you may think so, too. However, my ever spiritual husband reminded me that if God wanted her to go to nationals and tell Jacob's story, He would have provided a way for her to do just that.

"Thank you, Frank, for stating the obvious." OK, ok, he meant well. But sometimes you really don't need your spouse to tell you what you already know. To be honest, that just made me more mad. He meant well, he really did. But the truth is that I didn't want to hear the truth from him. I didn't want to accept this travesty as truth.

We got in at 1 AM Sunday morning, but even though it was late, I was determined to go to church. I knew I needed to. I knew God was going to speak to me. I knew I needed Him to speak to me. Sure enough, He did. You know what He said? He told me, "My ways are not your ways." And when He did, it was as if I heard it for the first time, even though I'd been chewing on it for about 24 hours. I needed Him to whisper that to me. He actually had, via my sweet husband. But at the time, I wasn't willing to listen or accept it. But today I heard it loud and clear as we sang the Hillsong song "Still." The chorus is so powerful:

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God.

I don't know about you, but I just can't sing a song without thinking through every word. I was holding it together until I got to the "I will be still and know You are God" part; then I lost it. How can I sing that if I don't believe it? Can I actually drop the anger and frustration welling within me and "be still?"

With the events of the weekend, was God in control? Sure, my rational mind tells me yes, of course. But the emotional momma in me was outraged, hurt, angered, and just questioned how God could let this happen. I mean, Amber took two second places in OO this year, and first in all the other tournaments where she competed in OO. How could she be eliminated when two of the ones who ended up advancing to nationals had never even taken second to her all year? Why? How? These are questions I'll probably never have concrete black and white answers for. However, God gave me an answer this morning. Simply put, "my ways aren't His ways."

I must say, that Amber is an example to me. She was of course shocked and very upset at first, but she's made a choice to not dwell on it. She's moved on. She knows she did her best, and nothing can take away the pride she feels in doing so.

I sure wish things turned out differently this last weekend, not just for Amber. She's only a sophomore this year, but some of her teammates were seniors, and this was their last chance to go to Nationals. Seniors who like Amber, repeatedly beat out the ones who did end up advancing. But when I am tempted to pick up the anger and emotions again, I must remember these verses in Isaiah 55:8-9 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

May I reach for higher thoughts and take the higher road. May I learn, and may I grow. And May I fall more in love with Jesus every day as He teaches to trust His ways are best.

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

When we know what we need, we'll know when we have enough.

When we know what we need, we'll know when we have enough.

I went to visit with a client a few weeks ago, and I had the privilege of sitting in on their staff chapel while I was there. The president's wife was sharing a devotional, and she said these words. "When we know what we need, we'll know when we have enough." When you think about it, those words are pretty profound, really.

This Christmas, like so many other families I know, we've had to come face-to-face with identifying needs and wants. Between extra medical bills this year, lack of income for the ministry, and one of Frank's clients having a large unpaid balance on an invoice, we've been faced with tough choices. Praise God that at the end of the day, all our bills have been paid, without one of them being late. But we can't take the credit for that, this is truly due to God's miraculous intervention on numerous times!

I'm so thankful that my children are not materialistic. They don't have long Christmas wish lists. Last year, Amber asked for one thing - the Indiana Jones trilogy. This year, just one thing again - a lock for her door. And Jacob, well, he just had his birthday party, so he doesn't have much on his list, either. A few months ago, I told my husband, "For Christmas, I would really like a pair of cowboy boots." He quickly replied, "I don't think that's going to happen. You don't really need cowboy boots." I really couldn't argue with him, knowing our financial situation; I knew he was right. But in my mind, I definitely thought "Doesn't every girl who lives in Texas need a good pair of cowboy boots?" :)

Philippians 4:19 says, "My God shall supply ALL your needs, according to His riches in glory..." So this morning as I contemplate those words my client said, what do we really need? Let me draw the circle around myself. What do I really need?

There's an old Gaither song that goes something like this: "Loving God. Loving each other. Making music with my friends..." It kind of answers the question. Sure, besides the obvious, we "need" food to sustain us (some of us less than others!) We "need" warmth and shelter to make it in the cold night. But what do I really need? No, it's not a pair of Cowboy boots. And to be honest, the list is not very long and can be simply put, God, family, and friends. But in reality, He could choose to take away even the family and friends part of the equation...leaving the one true need - HIM.

This last week I was humbled beyond imagine as I was leaving my worship team practice. As I was walking off the platform, my worship pastor stopped me and handed me a small red bag with a greeting and a hug, "We want you and your family to have a Merry Christmas." It was from the rest of the team.

I was floored and speechless, and I must be honest, I'm a much better "giver" than "receiver". "This can't be happening," I thought. "No, I'm the one who usually gives. Why did they do this?" I made a mad dash out of my church and cried all the way home, even before opening the card inside. I knew what was in it, and I knew the love and sacrifice behind it. I got home and opened it with my family and found a wad of cash and a beautiful ornament. I've wrestled with that "receiving" over and over. God knew our needs as a family, and He met them. But the giver in me said, "Isn't there someone else who needs this more than us?"

Either way, God's promise in Philippians was fulfilled once again, in a miraculous way, He met our needs. He doesn't promise to meet our wants...but in reality, He even does that so often!

Matthew 22:37-38 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

This holiday season, with today's cares and tomorrow's concerns, I remember God's wonders and faithfulness of the past. He sustains. Always. I'm figuring out the difference between my wants and my needs so I know when I have enough. But one thing I know, I never can have enough of God. The more I understand Him, the more I realize how much deeper into this relationship I need to go.

 

--Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Integrity

Psalm 25:21 "May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in You."

Proverbs 2:6-8 For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints.

Integrity, Defined as a firm adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished. Unimpaired. No, integrity doesn't mean you're perfect. As someone once said, it just means you do what is right when no one is looking.

You know, your reputation is something you can destroy in an instant. With one bad decision. It's also something someone else can attempt to destroy pretty quickly, too. What I've been struggling with lately is the latter. I made some completely upright decisions that others weren't too happy about, and my integrity is being threatened. In my adult life, that's one thing I've always been very proud of, and if I'm honest with you and myself, it is eating me alive that my integrity is being questioned.

But every time I pour out my heart to God about how unhappy I am that this is taking place, he just reminds me that He knows the truth. My hope is in Him, and He will protect me. He is my shield, guarding my path of justice.

Admitedly, I am a people person. No, I don't make decisions based on what people will think, but I do want people to like me and know the inner me. I want people to know the truth and believe the truth, especially if they have formed other opinions. I want to defend myself. It's the inner lawyer in me! I think that's human nature. But when I lose sleep over what people think, then it's wrong. When that happens, I'm not trusting in God. I'm not having faith that the truth will eventually come out. At that point, I'm more concerned about what people think of me than what God does. And if I'm honest with myself, that's called sin. I'm reminded of Psalm 20:7 that says, "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."

I ask myself today, "What am I trusting in?" Am I putting my faith in my reputation that I've worked so hard to build? Or am I putting my faith in Jesus Christ, my solid rock who never changes?

I resolve today to try to let go of these things that others are saying. They are but fleeting. I resolve to trust God more and think less about what others might believe. I resolve to let God be my shield and defense. With Him on my side, I can't lose!

If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters. ~Alan Simpson

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Hibernating through the winter storm...

Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save; He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing."

Last night, Frank and I were watching a television show called "Mantracker" on the science channel. It's another one of those reality tv shows; yes, I might need therapy. Emphasis on the word "might." Anyway, the premise of the show is that two individuals are dropped off in the middle of a rough Canadian terrain with a goal of getting to a pre-established "finish line" without being caught my "Mantracker." "Mantracker" has a horse, and attempts to use nature's clues to track down the couple before they get to the finish line. The Science Channel does a pretty good job making it an entertaining show to watch. I could never do it, for sure. Admittedly, I'm too bug-phobic and pampered. And last night, there were plenty of bear tracks to be found. No thank you, I will stay in the warmth of my media room and watch others be hunted.

So last night during the show, a bear fact was flashed across the screen. "Did you know that a bear's heart normally beats forty-fifty times per minute, but when a bear hibernates, the heart drops down to about eight times per minute?" That's more than a 75% decrease in activity!

This morning as I was thinking about that fact, I started to relate it to what we do as Christians sometimes. When the cold comes, when we feel alone in the Canadian tundra, when we feel like we're being hunted by "Mantracker", what reaction do we have? Do we thrive? Do we maintain the same number of heartbeats? Or do we go into hibernation, trying to hunker down til this winter storm is over?

When those storms of life come, I believe God has a purpose for them. ...And the purpose is not to hunker down and try to make it through. Either God wants to glorify Himself through the situation, teach us something, increase our faith, draw us closer to Him through the event, or any combination! But God does have a purpose in each trial we face. Sometimes we don't ever know it, and sometimes years later we understand. But I wonder, just like a bear in hibernation, how often do we allow our heartbeat to slow down during the winter of our lives? What reaction do we have when the trials hit?

On the contrary, when going through tough times, that's when our heart beat should speed up, not slow down. That's when we should hunker down even deeper into our Heavenly Father and His Word. Are you in hibernation today? Are you trying to "make it through" until spring and warmer weather hit your household? This verse in Zephaniah is one of my all-time favorites. I memorized it in 2010, and I'm reminded of it once again this morning. Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save; He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing."

No matter what the winter of life is that is causing you to want to hibernate, don't do it. Remember God is there. He delights in us. He quiets us with His love. He sings to us! Don't miss the voice of God because you're in hibernation. My God is mighty to save...even from the mantracker!

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

Big Hands

Have you ever compared hands with someone, maybe a basketball player, and said, "Man! You have big hands!" Sometimes I will comment, "Those are piano playing hands!" Then I put my hand up to theirs and compare. Not for any specific reason. Just to see how small my hands are compared to theirs.

Now think about it. How big are God's hands?

This morning I was reading in Psalm 37:23 "If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." God's hands are definitely big enough to guide me down the right path, if I'm on the right path to begin with! When I read this verse, I think of a walking with my son or daughter when they were little. Now, we were never a big 'hiking' family, but there were times when we would walk down dirt paths, full of stones and uneven ground. My natural instinct would be to put my hand behind my child to help guide them and keep them steady on the rough terrain. That's what my God promises to do. He upholds us with His hand. I just have to be sure I'm on the path He wants me to be on. You see, it's a conditional statement. IF He delights in our way, He will uphold us.

We all probably know that old kid's song, "He's got the whole world in His hands." Now that's some pretty big hands, too, don't you think?

Isaiah has some great references to God's hands, as well. Isaiah 40:12 "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighted the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?" OK, I'm no scientist, and I have not even one clue on how to figure out how much water is on the earth. And that's ok, because my almighty God does know, and he can measure it all in his hand!

Then finally, I love the visual picture of our image being tattooed on the palm of God's hands. Isaiah 49:16 says, "See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands." Top that one, Miami Ink! Can you even imagine that?

God has such a tender way of reminding me that He is always near. He is omnipotent. And He can do much more than the little box I sometimes put Him in. When I fall and stumble, His hand upholds me. When I think the problem is so big that there's no way out, I'm reminded that His power doesn't end! And when I think I'm forgotten, I'm really not. I'm right there, tattoed on His hand.

Life is hard. Living the Christian life with diligence is hard. These truths about God are something we know with our head knowledge, but we often choose to forget them in our heart. We choose to worry and take the burden on ourselves. God has big hands. He has piano hands. He has basketball hands. Surely, with hands that big, He can handle our little problems.

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Do it ALL for Him...

I Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do ALL to the glory of God."

It's early on a Friday evening, but bedtime for me is right around the corner. I'm a resident chauffer and judge for Amber's debate tournaments, and tomorrow's tournament is 90 minutes away. We have to be at the high school at 5 AM, ready to pull out of the parking lot. (What was I thinking by volunteering! Someone please slap me!)

Anyway, tonight, Amber was working on her speech for the tournament tomorrow. She has memorized and prepared a 8-9 minute speech which she will delivery without notecards in a category called OO - Original Oratory. If you know Amber, you know she's a perfectionist. She got second place at the last tournament. Tomorrow, she wants it perfect, she wants it right, and sure, let's be honest, she would love to have first place. What child wouldn't after putting all that work into something? But the problem is, this week, Amber is fighting a bad throat infection, she's had little sleep, averaging about 4 hours a night, due to all the homework, and she's simply sick and exhausted.

Amber's coach is awesome, and he really knows how to motivate the students to better themselves. That's the sign of a good coach, really, when students want to do better to make the coach proud. Anyway, of course Amber wants to do good for him, too. But as she got frustrated with her soar throat and inability to speak the way she wanted, I finally had to remind her of our little family motto, one we've used over and over as she's grown up and been in different competitions. "You don't have to be the best, you just have to do your best." (She quoted it with me once she heard the first few words!)

We talked it through.

"Have you done all you can to prepare, Amber?"
"Yes, mom, I really have. But I'm still struggling with this."
"It doesn't matter, if you've done your best, that's all that matters" I said.

And then I reminded her, "First place doesn't matter. You do not need to win for your coach or even for yourself. You are doing this for God. Period. If you've done your best, that's all He expects, and you've already accomplished your goal."

God used the truth of His Word to relax her. I could see a change. Sure, her throat was still hurting really badly, and yes, she still had things to get done tonight, but I know He provided peace in her stress.

So as I write tonight, I'm contemplating that same thought. In all things, do I give 100% for God's glory? In my work? As a mom? In my domestic duties? (A-hem, no laughing! This is time for self-reflection!) As a wife? In my quiet time? In my prayer time? With my friends? Do I give it my best? Do I do it for His glory?

I love how God uses my children to teach me how far I still have to go. I can't be a know-it-all mom with all the answers when He's teaching me how imperfect I am, with so many failures. And that's just it, even when I give my best, I'm never going to be FIRST, because I AM SECOND, and that's cool with me...as long as I do it ALL for Him.

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com

 

Twenty more hours...

Twenty more hours.

That's how much longer I have until my husband returns from Africa. Just twenty more hours. In many ways, this has been the roughest trip for me with him away. You see, when we're most vulnerable, that's when the enemy tries to attack. And attack he did the last two weeks...mostly in our family. Many of you know Jacob's past health struggles, and unfortunately, they have decided to come to the forefront again, just in time for me to deal with them all on my own.

And therein lies the problem. The words "on my own." How often do we go through life, thinking we're 'on our own' with the feelings we have. We have our little pity parties because things aren't going the way we think they should. We think we're the only one who feels this way. We focus so much on ourselves that we forget to look outward. It's when we look at others, we realize how insignificant and small the problems we deal with really are. We get ourselves up in a tizzy thinking about all the issues at hand instead of thanking God for his bountiful blessings.

And truly, I am so blessed and rich with friends in my life. While Frank has been gone, one friend brought me dinner, another family had us over for dinner, and another family took us out to a restaurant for dinner. How awesome is that? Beyond words. Lord, forgive me for thinking "I'm on my own." Even more, Lord, You are here. You are here when Jacob struggles with behavior. You are here when Amber struggles with more hours of homework than she gets sleep. You are here in my sleepless nights of solitude. You are here, and I am never alone. Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you or forsake you."

And so, twenty more hours. That's twenty hours to turn my frown upside down. Twenty more hours to offer a helping hand to someone else. That's twenty more hours to try to encourage someone else. And that's twenty more hours to praise my God in the storms of life.

So when you're in a countdown, like I currently am, holding your breath until that moment you've waited for finally arrives, instead of trying to hold out, use every minute that you can for God. Praise Him. And thank Him that you have just twenty more hours.

 

Psalm 66:1-7 "Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious. Say to God, ‘How awesome are your deeds! So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you. All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, the sing praise to your name. Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man’s behalf! He turned the sea into dry land; they passed through the waters on foot, let us rejoice in Him. He rules forever by His power, his eyes watch the nations – let not the rebellious rise up against Him.’”

Renuzit Duzit!

Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore brethren by the mercies of God that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your reasonable act of service. And don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed, by the renewing of your minds, that you can prove with is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Drained. Have you been there? Are you there now? That's me. And I'm only Day three into an almost two week stint without my husband. Even so, this weekend, I had a great opportunity to be renewed emotionally and spiritually, but it's amazing how those highs go away just as quickly as they came. Saturday, I spent the day at my computer writing. It was my first day in months that I had nothing on my calendar. No commitments. No debate tournament. No, not even shopping on my agenda. It was just a day to chill. And chill I did! I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted, if only for a day. I spent the day working on music that was half finshed, writing new things, and putting pen to paper on some of those thoughts I just couldn't get out of my mind. It was amazing.

But then Sunday came. It started out pretty rough on the home front, but it turned out to be an great day as well. Once a quarter our church takes the 5th Sundsay to go out and do service projects within our community. We call it Engage Hope Here, and it's part of our missions endeavor. Well the cool thing about yesterday was that we had Engage Hope members all across the globe - Engage Hope Colombia, Engage Hope Tanzania, and then our church family spread throughout the community doing Engage Hope Here projects. My family spent the day at a nursing home, playing of all things, Yahtzee. I was so blessed to just hug on those old women, offer a smile, and just invest in them. Both Amber and Jacob went with me, and Amber took time to be sure these older women had a personal relationship with the Lord. My heart beat a little stronger watching her in action.

Then night came. And along with the night, very little sleep. How is it that you can have two amazing days, full of positive emotion, and then follow it up with being zapped like that? At best, I slept a little over four hours, and Monday morning began just as Sunday morning had, with a rough start. As I tried to re-charge myself today, I listened to some amazing Casting Crowns music, and I tried to stay positive. What's that verse in Romans 12 say, "By the renewing of your minds." Isn't that how we keep going? We have to renew, renew, renew! This was such a reminder to me today, as I tried to get "back on my A-Game" at work.

Are you there with me? Are you in a funk? Are you drained and zapped? Be sure to renew yourself. Spritually and physically. Renew your mind on the Word of God. Examine yourself to see if your motives and thoughts are in line with what God wants. Renew your mind by listening to Christian music. Just don't let yourself stay in the funk of exhaustion, even if you are tired. So when you get to that drained point, even if it's just the first day after being on a spiritual high, just remember that old commercial tag line, "Renuzit. Duzit." And start digging in to God's Word to be renewed.

 

---Beth Banfill

www.GodandMe2theMax.com

Silence is golden...

I can't believe it.  It's been nearly six weeks since I've blogged.  I used to be so faithful...at least once, if not twice a week!  What happened?  I'll tell you what happened.  I quit my job, thinking I'd have all the time in the world to write and deepen my passion for writing, then I found out I needed shoulder surgery.  Then all my plans puffed up in smoke.

Earlier this week, five and a half weeks after surgery, my doctor released me from this massive heat-retaining immobilizing brace I've been confined to wear.  It was now time to start "intense physical therapy", and summer is officially over.  Summer.  Just a fleeting thought in the whirlwind that has been my existence the last several weeks.  It's over, and what did I accomplish?  Not anywhere near what I wanted to, that's for sure.  OK, ok, I'll try not to be too hard on myself, since much of it was because of the surgery, but as I sit at my computer and try to get back in the groove, I ask myself why my plans didn't work out.

One thing for sure is that I was uninspired.  Yeah, I don't get it either.  All the time in the world on my hands, no commitments to bog me down, yet I experienced a time of draught spiritually.  Now, don't misunderstand me.  I don't spend time with God so I can write.  But what usually happens is that God inspires me while I'm spending time with Him, and my writing is just an expression of what He's teaching me.  But that just didn't happen.  I would have my quiet time, but I felt like God wasn't speaking to me, let alone inspiring me.  What did I get instead?  a big goose-egg.  Nothing. 

But what I've learned is that times of silence are not a bad thing.  Psalm 62:1-2 says "For God alone my soul waits in silence, from Him alone comes my salvation.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I will never be shaken." 

Do you see a little theme there?  ALONE.  David's soul was in silence, maybe in the desert spiritually, feeling alone, but the one constant was that He was not alone.  He was waiting only on God, who ALONE provides salvation.  In God ALONE is the rock and fortress that allowed him to not be shaken.   

I was chatting with a very wise young friend from Colombia about my little spiritual drought.  OK, to be honest, maybe I was having a pity party for myself.  I hate having plans and letting them fall by the wayside, and I was in a bit of a depressed state over my situation.  Anyway, he gave me some wise advise that went something like this:  "Beth, be faithful.  This is God's plan.  Grow in Him, and when You get to the other side, His words are going to be just pouring out of you after being replenished."  I can't remember his exact words, but they went something like that, and they were really just what I needed to hear at that time.

So, I'm not really out of the desert yet, but I feel like I'm finally crossing over to the other side, six weeks to the day after my surgery.  And spiritually, I know God is growing me, even though I don't necessarily feel the growth on a daily basis.  Just like a child grows each day, sometimes you don't recognize it right away.  God uses times of silence to grow us, too.  Silence to remind us to rely on Him fully.  Silence to make me shut up and contemplate His will.  Silence to obey.  Coming from a jabber-jaw, silence isn't always easy, but in the end, it's golden.

 

---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com