As you've noticed, I haven't been blogging much lately. In fact, I haven't been blogging at all. I miss it. But at the same time, I have been pursuing other passions like writing songs. Somehow, perhaps with my ADD brain, I'm not able to successfully manage both. If I blog, I don't have the creative energies for writing songs. If I write songs, I don't have the energy to blog. It's a double edged sword that I can't seem to balance. I usually write or blog as a result of my quiet time, and it seems to be one or the other, with the song writing winning out for months now. :)
I went to a Christian song writing conference this last weekend called Write About Jesus. One of the workshops was called "The Soul of a Writer." I listened intently as the clinician told of how his heart beat to write. He told us he writes a blog, just to write, but never publishes it. He said before he goes to bed every day, he will write at least one thing. Whether it's a silly poem, something nagging him, or just something about nothing. The bottom line is, God gave him an angst in his being to write. He isn't happy unless he is doing it. And you know what? It resonated with me.
For the first time, probably, I realized that although I'm not the most gifted writer, nor the most crafted poet, I love to put words together. I've been doing it my whole life, really, even without realizing it. In high school, I would daydream and write silly poems. I still remember the one I wrote about "Lorny Lish, the Fish." It was so good that I turned it into a children's book for my Child Lit class in college. As a pastor's wife, I was always trying to write silly songs for VBS or for the children's ministry or write funny skits for women's retreats. I never struggled writing papers for English. When my kids were in AWANA, I put the Bible verses to music to help them learn. I was always creating...and loving it. But yet, I never realized this is something special and unique that God created me to do...and not everyone has that urge to put pen to paper. In fact, most people do not. I realized I have to find a balance between blogging and song writing. I love sharing what God is teaching me through the blog. But at the same time, I can't just publish the words to all the songs I'm working on, for obvious reasons. I believe God is going to do some really amazing things with the music my friend Jennifer and I have been working on together. Oh how I wish I could share it all...but I cannot.
So, as I try to reconcile this angst within me, please pray for me. I miss blogging. And I so wish I could share with you all the words God is giving me in song. Maybe one day. But for now, please know that I'm not giving up. I'm just trying to find my way down the straight and narrow path God has for my life, without distraction.
Psalm 20:4-6 "May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all of your requests."
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