I can't believe it. It's been nearly six weeks since I've blogged. I used to be so faithful...at least once, if not twice a week! What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I quit my job, thinking I'd have all the time in the world to write and deepen my passion for writing, then I found out I needed shoulder surgery. Then all my plans puffed up in smoke.
Earlier this week, five and a half weeks after surgery, my doctor released me from this massive heat-retaining immobilizing brace I've been confined to wear. It was now time to start "intense physical therapy", and summer is officially over. Summer. Just a fleeting thought in the whirlwind that has been my existence the last several weeks. It's over, and what did I accomplish? Not anywhere near what I wanted to, that's for sure. OK, ok, I'll try not to be too hard on myself, since much of it was because of the surgery, but as I sit at my computer and try to get back in the groove, I ask myself why my plans didn't work out.
One thing for sure is that I was uninspired. Yeah, I don't get it either. All the time in the world on my hands, no commitments to bog me down, yet I experienced a time of draught spiritually. Now, don't misunderstand me. I don't spend time with God so I can write. But what usually happens is that God inspires me while I'm spending time with Him, and my writing is just an expression of what He's teaching me. But that just didn't happen. I would have my quiet time, but I felt like God wasn't speaking to me, let alone inspiring me. What did I get instead? a big goose-egg. Nothing.
But what I've learned is that times of silence are not a bad thing. Psalm 62:1-2 says "For God alone my soul waits in silence, from Him alone comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Do you see a little theme there? ALONE. David's soul was in silence, maybe in the desert spiritually, feeling alone, but the one constant was that He was not alone. He was waiting only on God, who ALONE provides salvation. In God ALONE is the rock and fortress that allowed him to not be shaken.
I was chatting with a very wise young friend from Colombia about my little spiritual drought. OK, to be honest, maybe I was having a pity party for myself. I hate having plans and letting them fall by the wayside, and I was in a bit of a depressed state over my situation. Anyway, he gave me some wise advise that went something like this: "Beth, be faithful. This is God's plan. Grow in Him, and when You get to the other side, His words are going to be just pouring out of you after being replenished." I can't remember his exact words, but they went something like that, and they were really just what I needed to hear at that time.
So, I'm not really out of the desert yet, but I feel like I'm finally crossing over to the other side, six weeks to the day after my surgery. And spiritually, I know God is growing me, even though I don't necessarily feel the growth on a daily basis. Just like a child grows each day, sometimes you don't recognize it right away. God uses times of silence to grow us, too. Silence to remind us to rely on Him fully. Silence to make me shut up and contemplate His will. Silence to obey. Coming from a jabber-jaw, silence isn't always easy, but in the end, it's golden.
---Beth Banfill
www.GodandMe2theMax.com
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